The Courier & Advertiser (Perth and Perthshire Edition)
Greenland off Trump table
Well, he’s a man who believes that everything has a price and everything can be bought, so it’s perhaps no surprise that US President Donald Trump, while heralding the “second coming” as the saviour of Israel, has been wittering on about plans to buy Greenland.
That’s not the forthcoming action movie of the same name starring our own Gerard Butler. Nor is it even a misstep in the increasingly complicated world of international food retailing where the leader of the free world is seeking to acquire the food chain known, confusingly but accurately given what it sells, as Iceland.
It’s an easy assumption to make, let’s face it. This after all is the man, you may recall, who mixed up the Ohio cities of Dayton and Toledo after the recent tragic shootings in the former, referred to our own beloved Duke of Rothesay as the “Prince of Whales” and managed to conflate two entirely separate African nations, with a nod to the fantasy world of CS Lewis thrown in for good measure, in the shape of the non-existent state of Nambia.
It could be genetic, too, if his daughter’s congratulatory tweet to Boris Johnson on becoming prime minister of the “United Kingston” is anything to go by.
No, this is the actual island of Greenland, the largest island in the world (Australia isn’t counted because it’s a continent. I looked it up) and one that is, apparently, “of strategic importance” to the good old US of A. Greenland, of course, has
its own tangled history and place in the world. It is described as a semiautonomous Danish territory which makes the complications of Scottish independence and the perceived complexities of the Irish backstop look like simplicity itself.
In fact, it is a more-or-less independent entity with its own prime minister and everything, albeit with close geographical and political ties to the Scandinavian nation frequently cited as the happiest in the world. Although the Danish PM, Mette Frederiksen, has been less than ecstatic about Mr Trump’s pronouncements.
Greenland’s PM, Kim Kielsen, is equally frosty on the subject and the magnificently named foreign minister, one Ane Lone Bagger (which sounds like something you might do by yourself on a smallish Scottish mountain) has stated that her country is “open for business, but not up for sale”.
But this appears to cut no ice with The Chosen One.
Given that he sees relationships with other nations as purely transactional, with all the advantages weighed on his side, it’s no wonder he blithely assumes that he (and the US) has the right to pursue the political equivalent of hostile takeovers even where notions of national sovereignty are concerned.
For a man obsessed with his own country’s borders, he seems to take little or no notice of anyone else’s or their right not to be bought and sold like commodities.
He looks on the prospect of acquiring Greenland as a “large real estate deal”. And although he at first stated that he had no immediate plans to start the ball rolling on this somewhat surprising game of intercontinental Monopoly, he has now reacted in his usual measured and statesman-like fashion by throwing his toys (obviously not Lego) out of the pram and cancelling a state visit to Denmark next week.
For a man who made his name in real estate dealing and reality television, his outlook appears to have more to do with flights of fancy than anything approaching realism.
He would seem to most of us to inhabit the kind of Trumpworld that would make Legoland look like a monument to practicality.
Now, there is some regime backtracking and talk of Denmark as a valued ally of the US. Having said that, mind you, there might be lessons to be learned here. Greenland’s experience of today might just serve as a warning for others tomorrow.
Judging by his approach to Brexit, he is planning to buy most of Britain (or at least what remains of the good bits after Boris and Co have finished with us) if and when we find ourselves without a deal, or much residual goodwill, with nations that have hitherto been our more reliable allies.
Island nations beware. To mis-quote Robert Burns: “We’re bought and sold for Donald’s gold. Such a parcel of rogues in a nation.”
Cat ladies not crazy
Further to my thoughts on dog ownership last week, I was still delighted to learn that one of the great stereotypes of contemporary life has been thoroughly discredited as a load of old doggy-dos.
The crazy cat lady, according to new research from the University of California – and published by the Royal Society, to boot – does not exist.
“Our findings,” they trumpet cheerily, “do not fit with the notion of cat owners as more depressed, anxious and alone.”
Nope, cat owners merely appreciate cleanliness, independence and a bloody-minded determination to go its own way in an animal that will still give pleasure, love and a load of fun. And the odd hidden political message.
I’d like to see anyone interfering with a cat’s freedom of movement and living to tell the tale.
Open for business, but not up for sale