Loosening restrictions to aid grieving process

ADundee funeral celebrant left heartbroken at watching people grieve alone says loosening restrictions will be crucial in helping many recover from loss.

Alan Morgan, who has performed more than 1,000 funeral rites, believes there are fewer tougher sights than seeing people separated at their time of greatest need.

The officiant has watched on over the past year as people are prevented from embracing or even seeing those that should be there to say goodbye.

He says he recently presided over a service for a 92-year-old man but felt agonised at watching his wife alone.

“I just wanted to take her by the hand but I couldn’t,” he said. “I have to stand away while an elderly person staggers on their own.

“You’re there to do a service and want to be loving and compassionate and that generally means to touch people.

“It’s very difficult to stand by and not be able to offer comfort.

“I feel for families. To lose someone in these circumstances is just so tough. It’s a shame to watch it happen.”

New rules in Scotland now allow funerals of up to 50 – up from 20 and just 10 at the beginning of the pandemic.

Studies show the average attendance at a funeral in the UK is around 50 and so it means the majority of people should be able to attend most.

Social distancing and mask-wearing will remain for the time being, though the numbers permitted will be the highest since the pandemic began.

Funerals are deemed an essential part of the grieving process because it encourages mourners to face the pain of their loss and express their emotions.

With people robbed of the chance to do this properly, coupled with a higher number of deaths than usual, there is concern a “grief pandemic” may be on the horizon.

Of 2,000 bereaved UK adults surveyed last May by Co-op Funeral Care, 59% said their grief process has been negatively affected by the lockdown.

Mr Morgan says organising a funeral can be “quite a harrowing experience” at the best of times. He added: “We would usually spend time at their home but everything has to be done over the phone just now and it’s difficult without that personal touch.

“People often feel a wee bit guilty because they are not actually getting a chance to give them what they think they deserve – a send-off at the end of their life.

“For those wishing to celebrate a loved one at a funeral ceremony the heartbreak was immeasurable.

“They have to choose who to invite out of the 10 or 20 people allowed while taking away the opportunity of saying goodbye to others.

“Who is more deserving? There isn’t an answer to that. The rest sadly had to wait outside or join online if able to negotiate smart phones, tablets and laptops if indeed they own such a thing.

“I must say though that people have adapted really well as the pandemic has gone on. In the beginning it was really horrendous because it was all so new.

“The funeral industry is sometimes termed the fourth emergency service but the silent one you don’t see. I think it’s important to highlight the work they do to help people.”

Affertons funeral director Paul Craigie echoed those thoughts and said any relaxation of rules should help. He admitted: “One of the worst things has been turning people away from ceremonies because there’s too many.”

COMFORT: Funeral celebrant Alan Morgan has struggled at being unable to show his compassion during the tight restrictions imposed on services.