The Courier & Advertiser (Perth and Perthshire Edition)
TAI CHI IN SL0-MO PLAYS HAVOC WITH MY GUITAR
YouTube lights up a universe of talent – and the not-so-talented – from vintage science fiction to Jimi Hendrix wannabes lost in their homegrown Purple Haze
Where would we be without YouTube? I can barely tie my bootlaces without watching an instructional video on the subject (seriously did that, though it was methods of lacing that suit the wider foot).
Looking back this week, I find my viewing includes kittens cuddling into a dog, a parrot speaking in Scots (“Ah’m cauld!”) and Tibetan healing sounds to accompany my breathing exercises – at the moment, I’m experimenting with the in-out method: seems to work. The Tibetan healing sounds, as you may have inferred, aren’t for viewing but for listening, and I also use YouTube for my nightly audiobook to help me get off cosily to sleep (not sure how legit some of these are, mind).
This week, it’s been old John Wyndham radio dramas: The War of the Worlds, The Day of the Triffids, The Midwich Cuckoos, The Kraken Wakes. I like how he pits decent, suburban ratepayers against dark forces that threaten the Earth an’ that.
I’ve relearned tai chi through YouTube. It’s an activity you quickly
forget if you don’t practise it regularly.
However, I often speed up tai chi
videos as they’re too slow. Speeding up the videos is a useful facility you can find in settings. Sometimes, I forget to switch it off and then watch a guitarist and think: “That’s impossible! How can they possibly play so fast?”
Actually, I fast-forward through a lot of guitar instructional or equipment
review films, particularly the preamble where they tell you they’ve got a cold, their recording equipment is playing up, and they’ve a free starter offer on an expensive course which no one needs
to take as there are so many free videos out there. That’s why everyone’s so good now. There are, I estimate, three million Hendrixes out there. It’s now ordinary to be an extraordinary guitarist, though I’ll never be one: too many mistakes.
Also, I always forget what I’m playing. And I don’t know any tunes.
I don’t understand what guitar nerds are talking about. They’ve
“modded” (modified) their instrument by swapping out the humbucker for a
single coil, after plugging a compressor into the fuzz, completely bypassing the overdrive, with the input-output
continuum flanged by just a modicum of phaser. No need for strings now:
they just blow into the instrument like a kazoo. Also: “Here are the eight effects pedals I use to achieve that clean sound you get without effects pedals.”
Their self-conscious looks at the camera while playing make you wince. “Badass” expressions lose effect when the player is in his bedroom, and there’s a model of the Starship Enterprise on his set of drawers, beside a figurine of Elsa out of Frozen. But, yes, apart from all that, it’s all good.
You can also learn languages on YouTube. Sometimes, I put Swedish on just for the soothing sound, while not understanding a word.
Puppies and kittens are the most watched things. They are arguably cute. I’m a sucker for these rescue films, though they make me greet.
Many folk film their alternative lifestyles too, usually country living and more self-sufficiency. Main takeaway: it’s hard work!
So I’ll just watch them doing it, and other folk playing great tunes, and parakeets headbanging to heavy metal.
YOU CAN LEARN LANGUAGES – I PUT SWEDISH ON JUST FOR THE SOOTHING SOUND