The Final Word
Adam Collins and Geoff Lemon, our Aussie journo double act take a sideways look at the third Test
Adam Collins and Geoff Lemon have their light-hearted say
Geoff Lemon: And so it comes to this. The swelling orchestra. The final curtain. One of my go-to YouTube videos for many years has been Johnny Hallyday singing Je Ne Regrette Rien at a concert underneath the Eiffel Tower. A towering performance of staunchness in the face of life’s vicissitudes, a resolute farewell. The great man left this mortal coil within the last week, and over the same time period we’ve been afloat in emotional farewells to the WACA. Adam Collins: Aw, mate. That’s all a bit touching. Here I was thinking you hated the joint. I’m meant to do the romance here. I see Dennis Lillee has, so committed to the ground where he made his name that he’s refusing to return for the last hurrah out of principle. He simply won’t cop the modern new stadium at the casino across the way. As ever, I like his defiant style. GL: Johnny Hallyday was the head of a band, Dennis Lillee wore a headband. But I’d ask for Johnny back ahead of the WACA in a heartbeat. All this romance built on the fact it had a brilliant pitch for a couple of decades when Lillee was the star of the show, but first it cracked to pieces, then got replaced with a giant slab of stodge. If you want a summary of the ground’s last 15 years, just look at JP Duminy’s debut versus the rest of his career. AC: Or his last trip to the WACA last year, to be fair. Local boy Chris Rogers talks about Perth’s middle session being the real killer, before the Fremantle Doctor arrives, where fielders and British backpackers alike bake like scones. Duminy applied that principle, grinding Australia through the middle before smashing them after tea. Even after the deck went to porridge, we at least had the heat. But not this week either – it’s quite mild outside. If this is a farewell concert, I want my money back. Play your hits already, Perth. GL: It’s seemed for a long time that the ground is more mythology than reality. As well as offering cruel and unusual punishment for spectators caught in its sun-trap. Now it will be relegated fully to tales, while Perth Stadium glints in the very near distance. Almost watching over my shoulder as I type. AC: Mitchell Marsh could make a squillion here. I’ve just got a feeling about this, Geoff. He seems so calm and happy and grateful. That big, goofy smile is on high-beam. He didn’t expect to be back so soon. Maybe I’m too invested in his career, but I believe, you know. GL: Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. This is one of those times when our column comes
All this romance built on the fact it had a brilliant pitch for a couple of decades when Lillee was the star of the show
out part way through a match, so if England have gone past 500 on Day Two, you can put your letters of thanks in the mail. But, yes, I have to agree on one point. If Marsh the Younger is ever going to make a stack of Test runs, it would have to be in these environs. He’s at home here, he knows which cupboard the saucepans are in, he can make himself a sandwich without feeling awkward, and he’d love a nice flat deck to go all George Bailey on Jimmy Anderson some time on the third or fourth day. AC: I like Joe Root’s attitude to all this. It can be summed up as follows: we’re not that crap.You think we are, but we’re not. And we’re going to keep picking the same team to prove it. All right? Okay? Got it? Now we’re off to make some ‘big runs’, as they say these days. I’m a bit angry at him for not elevating himself to No.3, but let’s swerve that. Maybe the savaging they have been taking from the Press for the off-field schoolboy stuff will really bind them together? GL: Root just read the part where Abraham Lincoln said “Four score” and thought it was a prediction based on batting order. Endlessly resistant to batting first drop, even on a belter. Mind you, Ross Taylor made his 290 here starting from two wickets down, so maybe that was his template. England will still have needed another proper hundred to add to Dawid Malan’s, after all this footsy stuff with nice fifties. AC: Plenty of tons and runs in the Women’s Big Bash in Australia last weekend. So many sixes, so much mayhem, but the main story on the news was when one of Ellyse Perry’s sixes whacked a spectator in the face. She had to run up to the young fella to make sure he was okay. He was after a check-up in hospital, but all’s well that (vaguely) ends well. Must admit, my immediate response was surprise that this doesn’t happen more often. We’ll end up like baseball with nets over the crowd. GL: I don’t even want to mention it for fear of making it so. Keep your eye on the ball, they say, and that applies just as much in the stands. The game demands your attention. As for all this Ms Perfect Super Nice stuff from Perry, finally the truth comes out when she KOs some poor kid minding his own business. School of hard knocks, one free lesson. But what an astonishing opening weekend. Such a thrill to see genuine power hitting from so many players, after a couple of seasons of range finding. AC: And a whole season of that to come. Right then, best run. We have a Test match to cover. Please, England. Don’t be garbage. Keep this thing alive to Christmas. We’re begging you.
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