VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS

Rob Temple on the small anxieties of daily life

SKYPING FRIENDS & FAMILY

Being so horrified by your own face that you sit at least 15ft away from the screen.

Talking to someone who thinks they need to be so close to the camera that all you see is a screenful of open mouth.

Never being quite sure why you always feel the need to wave.

Treating someone to the worst “I’ll give you the grand tour” experience ever, by jerkily parading your laptop around the house.

Spending the first five minutes of any call asking each other, “Can you hear me?” despite both of you repeatedly saying, “Yes”.

Trying to fit a whole family and a dog into shot by squeezing six bodies on to one small sofa cushion.

Being unable to make it through a conversation without one of you saying: “Oops, hang on, I think I’ve pressed something…”

Convincing yourself there’s a time delay, rather than admitting that you just haven’t got much to say to each other.

Wondering how long you’ll have to pretend to enjoy saying hello to someone else’s baby.

Wishing that ending conversations in person was as easy as simply closing a lid.

Rob Temple’s latest book. Very British Problems Vol III: Still Awkward, Still Raining (Sphere) is out now.

Follow him on Twitter: @SoVeryBritish