GRAHAM NORTON AGONY UNCLE

The author, comedian and presenter advises readers. Send your quandaries to graham@telegraph.co.uk

Dear Graham How can I take my friend to task for his promiscuity when he knows I may be interested in him myself?

I’m about to return to the second year of university. My best friend there has been messaging me throughout the summer with stories about romancing girls up and down the Adriatic and at various festivals and house parties here. Only here’s the rub: at the end of last term he and I kissed – we’d been drinking, but it was protracted and intense, and I can’t forget it.

I understand that he’s sending me a message about there not being a future for us; but I don’t like his “use them then lose them” attitude to his conquests, and I shudder to think of him bringing his newfound (there was none of this going on last year) seduction skills on the girls at college, many of whom I count as friends.

I’d like to try and deter him from his swordsmanship – I believe he’s a good person underneath it all, and he seemed not to have an issue with forming strong and respectful friendships with women last year – though maybe that was just because they wouldn’t sleep with him. But if I intervene, won’t he just see it as my carrying a torch for him? I’m not sure he would be wrong, at that…

PAUL, VIA EMAIL

Dear Paul

Your world is full of lines. Some of them are blurred and others need to be read between. I don’t know what the end-of-term kiss really meant, but it is safe to assume that your friend isn’t ready to deal with it at the

moment. You need to accept that fact and begin your search for romantic or sexual fulfilment elsewhere.

As for his boastful missives from the fleshpots of Hvar, well, as you have already deduced, they are an attempt to send you a message. However, it isn’t just that he is a thrusting heterosexual: it’s also that physical encounters mean very little to him. I’ve a suspicion that a great

deal of his writing may be fiction, but he wants you to believe that he just “loves them and leaves them”. I think when he returns you’ll find that your friend hasn’t suddenly transformed into some seedy lothario. He may affect a certain bravado when he’s around you, but that is just a slightly insecure boy trying to assert his masculinity. The fact that he has continued to write suggests he wants

to maintain his friendship with you so, if you thought it was appropriate, you could quietly acknowledge your kiss and reassure him that you aren’t expecting any repeat performance.

University is a time for learning. You will kiss a friend again and, hopefully, the next time you will find it a little easier to navigate. A kiss is just a kiss, and if it’s more than that you’ll find out soon enough.

Dear Graham I’d like to feel less isolated than I do – but not much less

I think I’m a reasonably nice person, I’m easy to get on with, polite, I can hold a conversation, I’m interested in lots of different things, quite funny I’m told. But I find it almost impossible to keep friends. I recently retired from a job I had for 12 years and a year later, out of all the people I’d got to know, socialised with and so on, I’m only still seeing one, and that’s only because we have adjoining allotments! This is despite my efforts to stay in touch.

I’m not particularly needy emotionally – I like my own company – I’m just curious about why this should be. I’m always amazed by people who make friends at school or college and keep them for life – I’m not still in touch with anyone like this. My experience of retirement so far makes me feel that it’s probably easier not to bother too much with other people, but I don’t want to run the risk of becoming some weird hermit! What do you reckon?

Dear Peter

PETER, LONDON W6 Not everyone is built the same. You wonder how some people can make and maintain friendships so easily, while others look at you and can’t fathom how you can be so content in your own company. There is no wrong way of doing things. If you are happy to potter on your allotment, pursue your interests and go to bed tired, then don’t worry. Your life may not be reflected in the advertisements and dramas you watch on television, but different doesn’t mean your way of life isn’t perfectly valid. A problem only presents itself if you are lonely. From your letter it sounds that you feel more puzzled than isolated.

I understand your fear of becoming a socially awkward recluse, though, so fight against that. Practise your small talk, no matter how tiny it might be. Speak to the person on the tills at the supermarket. Converse with the people you come across in the course of the day. Being sociable is a muscle and if you don’t use it, over time it will wither away.

There is one other option. To be honest, I fight the temptation to suggest this to nearly every letter I receive – but have you considered getting a dog? They are a huge responsibility and complicate your life, but perhaps you would welcome that. A dog means you are never really alone and, not only do they force you to leave the house, but they are the catalyst for all sorts of conversations. Just a thought.

Ultimately, you must be confident in how you live your life in your own special way. At your age, trust that things haven’t happened by accident and you are, in fact, living the life you want to. Maybe just a small dog?