LETTER OF THE WEEK

Dear Richard Our house guest has trashed our cottage during the lockdown

QWe are fortunate enough to own a cottage in Yorkshire, where I invited a widowed friend to stay when it looked as though quarantine was on the horizon. She insisted that, if she must be alone, she wanted to be alone in the country.

She has recently returned to London after staying at the cottage since mid-March; we have just spent the weekend there, using it as a base for some long overdue socially distanced family visits.

It has been left in a disgraceful state: coal, wine and nail varnish on the rugs and furniture, glassware missing, a bowl chipped, the lavatory broken.

There was also some evidence that she’d been through drawers in my room and that of my teenage daughter, looking at photographs and so on.

I don’t think for a moment she has been breaking quarantine and partying hard with the local gentlemen farmers, but I do think she has been drinking to an unhealthy degree – our wine supplies have been notably depleted – and I believe some painkillers may be missing.

Quite honestly I am worried about her, but I’m also furious with her. How should I approach this? Marianne, London WC1

Dear Marianne

AMy advice on this is unambiguous. If you’re concerned about your friend’s state of mind, by all means reach out to her, though her drinking may simply have been exacerbated by lockdown. But as for the condition of the cottage: say nothing; do nothing. Clear up the mess, repair the breakages and replenish your wine cellar. (Assuming she didn’t clean out all the good stuff, it won’t cost a fortune, will it?) What would be the likely outcome of a confrontation with your friend? Embarrassment, denial, estrangement.

Chalk it up to experience. She didn’t burn the cottage down; just a little light trashing of the place. Some friends are chaotic, and live chaotic lives. We only truly discover this when they enter our personal space for a while.

My wife and I have had similar experiences – thankfully, rarely – when we’ve allowed people who we assumed would behave themselves to use our home in Cornwall. Yes, it’s tedious, but not terminal.

It’s always disappointing to be let down, but you’ll get over it. And I doubt any lectures about your friend’s drinking or possible painkiller use will make one iota of difference to her behaviour.

But we reap what we sow. Offer this woman your friendship and support, if you feel you can – but you might not want to let her within a mile of your Yorkshire “yat” again.