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What next for the students whose futures are on hold?
Students and young adults have seen their futures put on hold, so how can their parents help, asks Anna Moore
My daughter’s Easter holiday was just beginning and she’d arranged to stay on at her university to start cramming for her finals. Her college was emptying out but she barely said goodbye to many of her friends as they all expected to be back together for the summer term – that intense, emotional last stretch of exams, parties and goodbyes, followed by graduation. After this, Ruby, 21, planned to take a year out to work, travel, then apply for an MA.
Having first assured students that the college would remain open, this policy changed just two days later. Students who were able to were asked to leave – so a week before lockdown, Ruby packed up her entire student life and moved home. Her undergraduate experience was over. She took her finals back here in her bedroom. There were no parties, no goodbyes and graduation looks unlikely – apparently her degree will be posted. (And her gap year – work? travel? – doesn’t look too promising either.)
At the same time, my 19-year-old’s plans were evaporating before her eyes. Tara is on a gap year before starting her veterinary science degree in September. She’d spent six months working in a central London Pret, getting up at 4.15am for a 5.50 start. Her wages had paid for all her driving lessons – her test was in April – and the fun “second half ” of her gap year which was due to start in May, with a trip to Peru. Then came lockdown. Pret closed. Driving tests were cancelled and international travel suspended. And the university life Tara had so looked forward to now looks very different. Socially distanced. Online lectures. No women’s football. A virtual Fresher’s Week.
The experience of young adults in these last few months hasn’t had much attention. The focus has been on children – home education, how to occupy them in lockdown, all that lost schooling – and of course, the older, vulnerable sectors of the population. Students have quietly lost rites of passage that can never be recreated. They’ve dug themselves deeper into debt for a term of hastily created, patchy tuition and accommodation they haven’t used.
Internships and student graduate schemes have been cancelled – and they’re faced with a future jobs market that could take years to rebuild. Between March and May – the number of people aged 24 and under claiming universal credit rose by 250,000 to almost 500,000. That’s a lot of loss for a disease that on the whole, presents them with very little risk (if you compare it with, say, travelling solo through Peru).
On top of that, many have been stuck at home unable to commiserate with friends, and recover together.
My daughters took the hit – only one of them cried once while simultaneously apologising for being “stupid”. They’re still adjusting, finding their way. As parents, we can’t find it for them – but can we do anything?
First, acknowledge the loss, advises parenting expert Judy Reith who is also a life coach for the over-fifties at act3life.com.
“This generation have had their future turned upside down and lost opportunities and rites of passage they’ll never get back,” she says. “What they’ll be feeling is grief and there’s no quick fix. You want them to be able to think widely and creatively but they can’t get to that place if they haven’t first been through the stages and felt able to acknowledge how awful this is. Don’t minimise or downplay their feelings.”
Nicola Morgan, expert on the teenage brain and author of Blame My Brain agrees. “Emotional symbols like endof-term rituals, graduation and goodbye parties are genuinely important,” she says. “Parents should not undermine the sadness young people feel at losing them.”
When it comes to brain development, a young adult has more similarities to a teenager than differences, explains Morgan. “Typically, someone under 26 is more likely to be dominated by present emotions rather than ability to plan or reason,” she says. “So the feeling of ‘everything I’ve dreamt of is over and nothing will ever compensate’ will be hard to override. It’s typically harder for young people to see ways out of a current negative situation because the present awfulness seems so strong.”
What can we do? Reith advises parents to “behave like a dog”. “Sit there, be kind and be a listener,” she says. “It’s not a question of you fixing it. It’s about being empathetic and understanding. Having a weekly meeting to discuss the week ahead and what needs doing is a good touching point.” At the same time, take care not to fuss over them. “You’ve got your own life to live and it helps them more to see you’re OK, you’re not flapping and panicking too.”
“I cannot over-empathise the importance of modelling,” agrees Morgan. “Acknowledge and respect their disappointments but do not run around worrying, directing and despairing. Model a positive outlook – ‘we’ll get through it and we’ll make the world a better place than it was’ and practical thinking – ‘OK, so we can’t do X but if we do Y, that will be a sensible way through…’”
When the shock and disappointment has passed, there are still opportunities out there, says Jane Sunley, career expert and author of young people’s employability book, It’s Never OK to Kiss the Interviewer. “My daughter Indy just finished a master’s in forensic psychology and couldn’t wait to make an impact working with young offenders,” she says. “Of course the majority of opportunities have since dried up so she’s back home and has logged many hours with the NHS volunteer army and also studying a TEFL course (Teach English as a Foreign Language) to keep her brain busy and build an alternative income source.”
Employers will want to know how their future employees coped and what they did during Covid, says Sunley. Learning and volunteering will definitely improve their chances of success. (Volunteering as an online tutor for disadvantaged schoolchildren is a good option for new graduates.) “Parents of new graduates should try to help manage their expectations,” continues Sunley. “Help them see that scouring job boards and recruitment agencies to see what’s out there, applying for jobs or having an interview is all good learning experience whatever the outcome. Even seemingly menial roles like fruit picking or food retail provide great life skills like organisation and reliability. It’s the best you can do right now and will all contribute to getting where you want to be later’.”
Chancellor Rishi Sunak’s announcement earlier this week of a £2billion fund to subsidise six-month work placements for people between 16 and 24 at risk of long-term unemployment offers some light in the tunnel.
“If you see a good opportunity, forward it to them, but don’t then nag them about it” warns Reith. Ultimately, they’ll form their own networks and create their own path and this could be a crash course in resilience, flexibility – and new beginnings.
Frances Angell was worried when her 21-year-old daughter Emilia, a language student at Cambridge, saw her plans for the next academic year disintegrate. Emilia was meant to be heading to Moscow State University this September. Now it looks like she’ll be spending it in Germany or Cambridge.
“The situation is changing daily so I’ve tried to encourage her to be flexible and not feel under pressure to stick to any plan,” says Frances.
Meanwhile, since Emilia has been home since lockdown, Frances has paid Emilia to keep the household running. “Emilia has worked in a pub for years, she hates asking for financial support but I needed help as we have a younger son and we were now working from home all the time, adapting to new methods. Emilia has been fantastic doing all the domestic stuff.”
She has also taught herself to trade. “I had a university friend who was really into commodity trading so when lockdown began, I thought I’d have a look,” says Emilia. “I opened an online brokerage account that gives you 1,000 pretend dollars and you can start trading to see how you do. I did more and more reading, and probably spent more time on this in lockdown than I have on my degree in the whole year! When the markets crashed, I put a stake of my real money on JP Morgan that did really well. I’ve realised I love risk management and hedging and I might apply for a load of internships in it, which had never occurred to me before.”