‘I was lucky. Once I hit that low I had the chance of help’

The former Liverpool midfielder considered suicide during a bout of depression once retired

Depression creeps up on you. If you wear a plaster cast on your arm, people will come up to you and ask how you are. When you are suffering depression no one knows what is going on. In fact, in the company of others you present yourself in such a way as to make everything seem fine. I was the life and soul of the party.

It is the lonely periods, when you are at home thinking about what is going on in your life, that matters spiral out of control. Without realising, you sink further and further. If you don’t get help when you need it, it can lead to extreme and erratic behaviour.

You can only hope when the cry for help comes – which in the most extreme cases involves considering suicide – it is not too late. I was lucky. Once I hit that low point after my retirement in 2007 I had the opportunity to get that help. Then the lowest point becomes the catalyst from which to get better.

Where the lack of understanding comes in is when you read people cynically commenting about footballers earning £55,000 a week, asking how can they be depressed? It does not matter how much money you have, this disease can impact on anybody. You do not just wake up one day suffering. It is a process.

It is a build of pressures and stresses, both internal and external. In a high-profile industry like football you feel that need to perform, often three times a week, and nowadays the scrutiny is even greater than when I was a player.

When I was 28 I was dropped by Liverpool for a Merseyside derby, it felt like my entire world had ended.

In the dressing room, you cannot really show weakness. If you show it to a manager or your captain, you will be jeopardising your place.

At the same time, I think the culture is changing. There is more understanding because more players are coming forward.

The Football Association has a commitment to look after players, especially once retired, and I believe now it is more acceptable to admit you are suffering.

It does not matter how much money you have, this disease can impact on anybody