I had to prepare psychologically for life after Manchester United
It is hard to know what is normal outside the unique stresses and emotions of being in the football bubble
Aprofessional footballer, if he is fortunate, begins his career as a child and ends it as an adult having known nothing but the same wellorganised, rigorous daily schedule. There are even some of us who spend all those best physical years of our youth and adulthood at the same club.
Institutionalised is a description I would apply to my life as a footballer at Manchester United. I had been there from the age of 14 to 42, and my life had been so distinctively shaped by the rhythm of life at Old Trafford that I realised, when it was coming to the end last year, I had to make some preparations for the change.
Aaron Lennon’s story has made the mental health of footballers an issue again and I think that for his sake and everyone else’s in the game it is important to be open about how we feel as professionals, and how we cope with stress.
I know that those outside the game will point to our wages and the kind of lives we live and to an extent that does cushion us from the challenges that many face, but it does not make us immune.
When my life as a player and then coach at United came to an end last summer, I was at a major point of transition in my professional and my private life. I decided to see a psychiatrist to learn how best to cope and some of the suggestions he made served me well in adapting to a new life outside United.
He suggested that I keep busy in the immediate aftermath, and I did that, going to the European Championship in France last summer as a pundit and then to India for a futsal tournament I had been invited to play in. There were little things too. I joined a gym for the first time in my life, and his simple suggestion that I join one half an hour from my home forced me to make a routine.
My whole life had been mapped out during my 28 years at United. From my schooling and then my life as a player, week after week, year after year, even the closeseason summers. Then finally I had never been en busier than the last two years as a coach under Louis van Gaal. I am m grateful for everything the game gave me but I also realised that hat my career was ending at the age that a lot of people outsideutside football achieve seniorityeniority and success in n their own lives.
I was lookingooking forward to watchingg my son play football at t the weekend for the firstrst time, and being able e to do that has been fantastic. Spending g time with my children ren these past 10 months onths has been a greateat pleasure, but they have their r own school lives ves and the hourss between drop-off and pick-up have to be filledd too.
I knew that would be difficultlt psychologically and that I had d to prepare for it, and for the most part it has been fine. I can still remembermber Steve Bruce and Bryan Robson bson telling me when I was a teenager nager that my career would go past in a flash and that suddenly I would be wondering what was next. I never paid them much attention, ention, but they were right.
As for the life of a footballer itself, I can an say that it does come with stress ss of its own. I have to admit that at I never really enjoyed the games. s. There was too much at stake playing ying for United. Unless you were 3-0 up with 10 minutes to go you learnt that football had a habit of tripping ripping you up. It was never wise se to look around and relax and to enjoy the moment.
I did loveve training. Although it was alwaysys intense, there was not the pressureure of matchday and you were withh people you liked and respected d playing the game you loved. We e ate well, we were well looked after ter and that daily hit of endorphins ns from exercise has a big effect on your mood.
I do not t know what has affected Aaron, butut I always struggled in the periods ds that I was out of the team or playing laying badly. I had a feeling of f worthlessness. As a footballerr you wonder if your team-matestes are looking at you and asking the e questions that you are asking of yourself. Why can’t he hit a decent pass? Why is he always injured? What is wrong with him?
I took defeat personally, and there were times aft after we lost a big game that – if we were not required at the train training ground
– I would not come out of the house for two days. I know now that it is not helpful or normal – but it is hard to know what is normal when you ar are in that environment.
There are people who do very stressful jobs – doct doctors, nurses, policemen, teachers teachers, lawyers. I have nothing but re respect for that. The one thing I felt was unique to a footballer’s stre stress was that every day whenwhe I left my house I never knew what I would encou encounter. There might be 30 autograph requests o over the course of the day day, or 30 selfies. There mig might be none. There might just be nice th things said. Or there m might be aggro aggro, and a harsh com comment. It was the uncertainty abo about what the day held that got to m me.
D During my pla playing career I saw a psy psychiatrist once, whe when my hamst hamstring injuries got bad. W When I started playing no one did t that. There
I never real really enjoyed the games. There was t too much at sta stake playing foror United I struggled when I was out of the team or playing badly. I had a feeling of worthlessness
was a mentality t that you had to get on with it. Th That one bad result changed nothing, that the cream wou would always rise to the top. Tha That was one way of dealing with the pressure I suppose, and then gradually spea speaking to psychiatrists o or experts became more common. I have seen team-mates changed by t their experiences: David Beckham afte after the 1998 World Cup, Ph Phil Neville after Euro 200 2000. They had to distance the themselves from events. They h had to become stronger. At t times you have to put on a f face for the world. Fam Fame – notoriety if you can call it that – is a strange t thing, and you have to ha handle it as best you can.
I know t that with some players, the end of their career has b been a relief. Stress is s something I learnt to tak take seriously as a player and I struggled with the pre pressure at times, just a as I worried about what i it would be like when I fi finally stopped p playing. And I guess, lo looking back, I have been one of the lucky ones.