‘The union intervened and saved my life’
Success is supposed to bring happiness, but four voices from inside cricket beg to differ
Joined the senior squad at Glamorgan in 1997 before leaving the county after three years, having played 23 first-class matches.
Glamorgan let me go at the end of the 2000 season and I don’t blame them – my behaviour had become erratic.
I was off the rails, in a bad frame of mind. My partner left and took the kids, and I was addicted to painkillers, taking 15-25 a day. I was drinking a lot and at my lowest. I couldn’t see any way out. I didn’t feel alive, just numb. I had no money. I was contemplating suicide. People will say: “Oh, but you’ve got kids, family.” But when you’ve hit that low, you don’t care about yourself and nothing seems real.
In 2014 I first became aware of the PCA. Jason Ratcliffe [then assistant chief executive] spoke to me and told me we could sort this out. And it was “we”, it wasn’t ‘you’. It was a weight off my shoulders. Within a couple of days, I had a bed, a washing machine – everything was in place. Plus they helped me financially for 12 months. I began speaking to a consultant in London and he thought the best course of action was to go to the Priory in Bristol. Within 24 hours, I was there.
I had gone from feeling numb and hopeless to having a network and team around me. I could ring them at 3am or 5am in the morning, it didn’t matter – so long as I was safe. It kick-started me.
When you’re in professional sport, everyone on the outside assumes you are on a good wage, have a nice car, have a good flat. But the truth is, sport is a highpressure job. If you don’t score your runs, take your wickets, you’re fighting for your contract. Luckily for me, the PCA intervened and saved my life.