The thought that I will never put the shirt on again is soul-destroying

I am unemployed. The first thing I did was put my house on the market

Even right up to the last minute, I did not think it was going to happen. I could not believe that they were going to let a club with Bury’s history die like that. Not with the money there is in the game.

On Tuesday, like the fans, I was waiting for news. At first, it seemed as though there was going to be a takeover; you are thinking, maybe

there’s new hope, new money coming in. When that bid disappeared, the rumour was there were three others on table.

“You thought surely the English Football League would extend the deadline – 8pm, 9pm, 10pm came and went, and you do not know what is happening.

Then, when the news broke at 11pm, I just sat there in disbelief. I woke up again at 5am and headed downstairs and just sat there, numb. I have not been able to eat since it happened. The thought that I will never put the shirt on again is soul-destroying.

If I am honest, I should have seen it coming. This has not been going on for a couple of weeks. It has been a slow torture, a neverending seven or eight months of hell, of CVA agreements and loan facilities and the chairman telling us to our faces he would sort it.

Why did it take so long for the EFL to get proof of funds off a man who you could tell from the get-go had not got any? I have not been paid for 18 weeks. By Tuesday, there were only four of us players left at the club, and we were told because of sales of other squad members there would be money to pay us what we were owed. Now I know it will not happen.

I am unemployed. The first thing I did was put my house on the market. I just do not know where the money will come from to pay the mortgage. I got a text from the Professional Footballers’ Association telling me there is nothing standing in my way now and I can find another club. I need to get one; a man has to provide for his family.

Here is hoping I find another club, but for the generations of families who have loved Bury over the years, it has gone, all gone. I went to the training ground to say goodbye to everyone and, honestly, it breaks your heart. The kit man who has been there for years, who loves the club, who has given his soul to it, just kicked in the teeth.

That is what hits you. Seeing all the people turning up on Tuesday to clean the ground, the fans from many other clubs coming to help, the love, the optimism, the hope: that will live long in the memory.

I believe there is the passion to find a way to rebirth. But this can never be allowed to happen again. Football clubs are too important: this must be the last time.