Agbeze: My mental health battle has been so tough
Former England captain Ama Agbeze has revealed the extent of her ongoing struggles since missing out on last year’s World Cup, admitting that at times it has been difficult even to get out of bed.
Agbeze led England to a gold medal at the 2018 Commonwealth Games in Australia but was reduced to a commentator role at last summer’s World Cup on home soil after not making then head coach Tracey Neville’s 12-strong squad.
Speaking after making her Severn Stars Superleague debut on Saturday, the 37-year-old said she was “not closing the door” on trying for an international return, particularly with the next Games in her hometown of Birmingham in 2022, but “at the moment, it’s not open” as a result of her current state of mind.
“When I didn’t go to the World Cup, I was full-on like, ‘I’m going to get back, I’m going to show them I should have been there’. But then I was mentally not in the right space so it was a struggle just getting up every day, let alone trying to play international netball,” Agbeze told The Daily Telegraph.
She added that she had spoken to Jess Thirlby after her appointment as Neville’s successor in July, but that “at the moment, because I’m not that interested, there’s no point having discussions”.
Agbeze signed for Severn Stars from London Pulse in the off season but, when asked how she had improved her mental well-being since that move, an emotional Agbeze said it was a continuing process and referenced Gloucester rugby player Danny Cipriani’s decision to publicly express his own personal problems in the wake of former girlfriend Caroline Flack’s death.
“I’m still kind of in it [a tough place], a little bit,” said Agbeze. “Sometimes… I’m going to start crying… just leaning on people close to you, picking up the phone, sending them messages, just letting someone know you’re not OK [can help]. But also sometimes just staying in bed. It has been really tough.
“I guess with Caroline Flack’s death there’s been lots of talk about people in low mental state. Her exboyfriend came out and said he was potentially going to kill himself [in the past].
“It’s really important, if you need help, speaking out and there are loads [of numbers] you can call, if you want to be anonymous. I’ve not had to call a number because I’ve got people who I message but it has been really tough.”
Agbeze’s new team suffered a 70-49 opening defeat by Saracens Mavericks in her first Superleague match since May, which she believes also contributed to heightened anxiety.
“I think I was more nervous than I was for the England final at the Gold Coast. It was really hard to find ways to cope with nerves,” she said. “I am still struggling. It’s just going to be taking baby steps and putting your toes in the water and checking if it’s still hot. Hopefully, as time moves forward, I’ll get more comfortable and the water will feel amazingly beautiful and I’ll just relax. It’s just going to take time.”