‘At that moment, my gymnastics spark died a little’
Exclusive Becky and Ellie Downie open up to Molly Mcelwee in their first joint interview about brother’s passing, missing Tokyo and the ‘worst’ year of their lives
Becky Downie was in the car on her way to the airport when the doubts started creeping in. A disjointed, injury-plagued build-up to this month’s World Championships in Japan, as well as the confidence-crushing omission from the Olympic team, made her question whether she should get on the plane at all.
Instinctively, she did what she always does during tough times – phone her sister. Offering encouragement, Ellie – a fellow world medallist and gymnast – eventually managed to coax older sister Becky onto the flight.
It is a familiar story of unwavering sibling support that has played out countless times over their long careers – from selection disappointments to injury woes. But the pair have needed each other more than ever this year, which they describe as the “worst” of their lives.
In May their brother Josh died of sudden cardiac arrest while playing cricket, due to an undiagnosed genetic heart condition. He was just 24. The Downie sisters, who are two of five siblings, saw their world turned upside down.
With the family in turmoil, the two sisters found themselves mourning the loss in different ways. Becky, 29, did the only thing she knew and continued to train. Ten days after Josh’s death she competed in an Olympic trial; even when she was then controversially left out of the Tokyo 2020 British squad, she ploughed on. Beset by grief and devastation, she trained during the summer for the World Championships, where last week she agonisingly missed out on the finals of the uneven bars and beam.
From being in the form of her life, just months ago, to “burnout” and a career low, it has been a steep trajectory for the gymnastics star.
Now, she finally has a moment to take a breath. “Everyone was expecting me to do something big [in Japan],” she says. “I think people were like ‘oh, she didn’t make the finals’, but for me the biggest feeling after the worlds was relief. That I could stop.”
“Now I’ve finished it’s hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m not particularly sad – I’m pleased with my performance – but … I don’t know, the right word might be ‘broken’.”
Ellie, meanwhile, opted out of the Olympic trials altogether, unable to imagine herself in a gym at all. “When such a big life event like that happens, you really kind of question everything you’re doing,” she says quietly. “Whether you need to do something else with your life. For me, at that moment, my gymnastics spark died a little bit.”
It was a feeling that had grown within her for months. After lockdown Ellie was blighted by a back injury and other niggles which hampered her Tokyo preparations. Like Becky, she felt ostracised by those within the national team set-up, after the sisters sent shockwaves through the sport with their joint statement last year calling out British Gymnastics and sharing allegations of emotional abuse and weight-shaming.
It culminated in Ellie, Britain’s first major all-around champion gymnast, feeling disconnected from the sport she loved.
“I know it’s kind of weird, maybe horrible to say, but if what happened to Josh happened to me, I would have died miserably,” Ellie says with candour. “I wasn’t happy at all. It was a constant struggle. Josh was the final straw – I think it made me crack a bit.
“After Josh, I was just trying to push, push, push, but I couldn’t even go into the fitness gym. I’d sit on the bike and couldn’t push myself to do it properly. That was a really big worry for me. I was getting more and more sad.”
Ellie was so convinced her gymnastics career was over she went for a trial athletics session with Olympic heptathlete Kelly Sotherton. Despite it going well, she was not sure it was the right time to switch. Then, a month ago, Ellie took a make-or-break holiday, and upon returning believed she was “done” with gymnastics.
Eventually she took the advice of those around her and started seeing a counsellor. “I was quite reluctant,” she says. “I am a talker, but not really about my emotions – I’ll just make jokes to kind of avoid it. But there was just too much this year.”
As well as Josh’s death, the Downies’ grandmother passed away late last year and their father had a serious Covid scare which saw him admitted to hospital.
“Speaking [to a counsellor] is helping I think. I was just bottling everything up. In the sessions we tried to dig into what I enjoy in gymnastics and what made me not enjoy it.” Slowly, Ellie began to regain her motivation and returned to the gym.
Out of the tragedy and disappointments of the past year, both gymnasts exude a feeling of hopefulness which they could not have imagined a few weeks ago. Becky insists she is taking heart from her World Championships performance, despite coming home empty handed. “I just had to keep reminding myself that I was doing it for myself, and I wasn’t doing it for anybody else,” she says. She believes she was ready to challenge for a medal in uneven
bars at the Olympics in August. But missing out and being forced to extend her peak to October for the worlds pushed her to “burnout”.
Among the challenges, a silver lining emerged. Her first time back in a British Gymnastics team environment since her Olympic trials, which she felt were poorly handled by the governing body through her bereavement, she noticed positive developments in the national squad while at the World Championships. It is progress that she believes came about as a result of the Gymnastics Alliance movement last year, which highlighted abuse and unhealthy methods in the sport.
“Looking at the younger generations coming up, what they’re experiencing is not what we did. That was the point of speaking up. It’s not going to change overnight, but I’m grateful that I’ve stayed in the sport long enough to see both sides of it.
“I’m glad that I pushed through it all because I feel in a much better position – relationship-wise – with some of the people in the national environment.”
She smiles, before adding: “Hopefully I’ve got a couple more years in me and Ellie has, too.”
Ellie has also had positive discussions with those in the national set-up, and is ready to look forward.
“We’re still grieving and the mental side of gym is what I find
‘I wasn’t happy at all. It was a constant struggle. Josh was the final straw – it made me crack a bit’
most difficult. There’s going to be some days I won’t feel mentally in it, but I guess you have to treat that stuff like an injury. We’ve got to try to enjoy the process now.”
Despite everything, she and Becky are aiming for the home Commonwealth Games and World Championships next year, and both mention the Paris Olympics in 2024 as their ultimate goal.
They will also be working with the British Heart Foundation in their brother’s memory, aiming to raise awareness about defibrillators at public sports facilities.
“It was only two weeks ago that our club got one, I helped do some fundraising for it,” Ellie says. “I would have thought it was mandatory, but it’s not. So we’re trying to push the importance of equipment like that, as it is literally a matter of minutes before someone can pass away.”
Finding out Josh’s condition was genetic, the siblings had a 50-50 chance of being carriers. It was another blow, but they have since had the all-clear. “There’s so much, as a family, that we’re going through,” Becky says.
“Josh won’t understand the impact he’s managed to have. The amount of people who have messaged me – whether it’s been clubs or schools – and said that they’re looking into getting a defibrillator. It’s really good to know he can be helping to save lives.”
It has been the worst of years, but it is clear that these champion sisters are firmly focused on a brighter future.