Interview ‘My shoulder is literally sewn on to me’
Hengland prop Sarah Bern recalls her injury ordeal and how she overcame the doubts to rediscover her love of rugby
Eyeing her first run-out in an England shirt for almost a year, Sarah Bern does not hold back when asked about the state of her right shoulder. “It’s pretty much sewed on to me now,” laughs the prop, alluding to the patched-up joint that forced her to miss most of last season. “There’s nowhere it can go! I’m pretty sure now it’s stronger than my other arm.”
Bern has been in fine form since returning at club level, having played a key part in Bristol’s unlikely march to the Premier 15s summit. In her latest league outing, at Twickenham Stoop, she barged through Harlequins’ defence and went on a dazzling run that most wingers would envy.
The passage of play encapsulated her uniquely raw pace for a prop and switched the momentum of the game in Bristol’s favour. But in a post-match interview, the pent-up emotion of the past year came gushing out: the frustration of missing this year’s Six Nations after pressing ahead with surgery last February, the fear of missing out on a World Cup, the self-doubt that made her wonder if she would ever be the same player again.
“I remember thinking how I loved the game,” Bern says. “It’s probably taken me a few years to properly feel that again. I’ve struggled with anxiety over the last two years – in terms of performance anxiety. Comparing myself to other players, or always having negative thoughts like, ‘You don’t know how to scrummage’. I had to learn how to change that and have a different mindset and remind myself I play rugby to enjoy it.”
Bern will take that new perspective into the first of back-to-back Tests against world champions New Zealand tomorrow – a series in which both teams will wear instrumented mouthguards to measure the impact of collisions – having been in a dark place when injury struck last November. But the setback has galvanised her.
The 24-year-old credits England’s “brilliant” medical team for concocting an innovative rehab programme which included kayaking and swimming. Colouring, painting and “anything creative” – such as teaching herself the guitar – helped her take one day at a time.
“When you’re working for the World Cup, then you get an injury, you’re like, ‘I might not get there’. Or you think, ‘I might get there, but I might not be that good’,” she says. “For me, it was the first time I’d been in a situation where I was like, ‘Oh my God, this actually might not happen’.”
While the postponement of the World Cup bought her more time, it was a wholly different set of circumstances four years ago, when a fearless Bern burst on to the international stage at the 2017 World Cup in Belfast. The then 20-year-old excelled as a prop, and started four of England’s five games, including the final against the Black Ferns.
“I remember [former England forwards coach] Matt Ferguson saying, ‘We got to microwave you, we’re going to get you there’,” Bern
says with a smile. “I was never meant to play in that World Cup and definitely not start those games. Laura Keates had a really unfortunate injury, and I was thrown into the deep end.” Bern has also enlisted the help of Aron Snowsill, a nutritional therapist and the brother of Wales international Elinor Snowsill, to incorporate a more holistic approach in her diet.
“I don’t want to sound hippy, but if it [food] is made positively, you definitely feel a lot better,” she says. “I’m pretty thankful I had the injury because I found the nutrition stuff, which has helped me loads.” Tomorrow will be Bern’s fourth time facing the Black Ferns. “They’ve always had more weight on us, and they’re super explosive with that weight,” Bern says of the world champions. For England, it is a match made in heaven. For Bern, it is her own silver lining.