‘I was in a spiral – then Emma Hayes rang me’
Karen Carney recalls how the intervention of the Chelsea manager helped her tackle social media abuse
Karen Carney was in a dark place when the phone call came. Bombarded by abuse over social media, Britain had entered a third lockdown, and the former England star turned pundit was feeling more isolated than ever. In one, desperate, moment she contemplated whether life was worth living. At the end of the phone was Emma Hayes, the Chelsea manager. She was concerned. “You’re not yourself,” she told Carney bluntly.
“Anyone who knows Emma knows she just gets straight to it, very direct,” Carney reflected in her first newspaper interview about the struggles she has faced. “She was the first person to say, ‘Go and get help again. You’re not dealing with this’.
“She had watched me on TV, and thought, ‘She’s not herself ’. So she just outed me, brutally. I agreed with her.”
The conversation was a much-needed wake-up call. “I broke down a bit and I said, ‘No,
I’m not OK’. I was definitely spiralling, so it was the right intervention. Sometimes the truth hurts. She was absolutely right. So I went and got help.” As one of a handful of women trailblazers who have made the transition from playing football to punditry in the men’s game, Carney’s profile has rocketed. Alongside Alex Scott, a former team-mate, the 34-year-old has earned respect for her knowledgeable and incisive opinions. But the increased profile has exposed her to the worst of social media trolling and, in December 2020, Carney’s well-being was rocked by significant online abuse for the second time in three years. She deleted her Twitter account after receiving a barrage of sexist abuse following criticism of her punditry from Leeds United’s official account. Leeds’ owner, Andrea Radrizzani, initially doubled down on the tweet, to widespread condemnation. The story went viral, and United States star Megan Rapinoe tweeted: “Shame. Shame. Shame. Thicken up that skin y’all. Also, don’t come for @karenjcarney she’s a National treasure.” Leeds later put out a statement condemning the abuse, and praising Carney’s media work. But the damage had been done. In October 2018, Carney was sent death, rape and cancer threats via Instagram after scoring
the only goal in a Chelsea victory over Fiorentina in the Women’s Champions League. Those messages were condemned as “abhorrent and totally unacceptable” by Chelsea. “I’ve been through two social media situations. That first, while I was playing, rocked me,” Carney recalled.
“Stuff was coming through about death, rape and cancer. Luckily, Emma Hayes was my manager and recognised I wasn’t right in training, so I had support. More recently with the pandemic, it was highly documented, the abuse I got, that took me to a very dark and scary place. You’re not with your loved ones in the pandemic, and to have that barrage of abuse was extremely tough. It traumatised me. I did counselling over it.”
In that same year, Caroline Flack had tragically taken her own life, and there was a national conversation about the impact of social media trolling. Carney felt frustrated that lessons had not been
learnt. Her own experiences have strengthened her determination to raise awareness of and help others.
“I’m very passionate about [the impact of ] online abuse and making sure people are aware of what they say. Online abuse isn’t just for athletes, commentators or pundits – it’s about the 10-year-old little girl, the 15-year-old boy, adults – it [impacts] everyone. We are in a world where we need to be kind to each other.
“We speak about it in Mental Health Awareness Week, but probably not enough throughout the year. It’s so important that we create a safe space for people not just in this amazing week, but throughout the year.
“Football has a huge role. Going to the games, it’s not necessarily about the 90 minutes. It’s talking to people, ‘How was the game?’, icebreakers – all of that is mental health, because it connects people. The sport has a massive opportunity to help.”
In her early 20s, playing for Chicago
Red Stars in the United States, Carney suffered from depression following a string of injuries. “That period was probably one of the worst in my life,” Carney said. “I had depression, self-harm and addiction to sleeping pills, insomnia and multiple effects on my mental health due to injury and being separated from my family.
“Maybe only two or three people knew. It took until quite a few years later for me to explain what had happened. I did an interview and [my family] read it and went, ‘Why didn’t you tell us?’. I do wish I’d reached out for help.”
Carney’s counsellor recommended she learn more about mental health, and she undertook a “cathartic” master’s in psychology, as well as completing a trauma course while playing for Birmingham City. “Sometimes, when you listen to someone or you communicate to someone, the relief that comes off that is better than scoring any goal,” Carney said.