What happened next

Kim Jong-un reacts to the media spotlight being seized by Trump

Buoyed by his warm reception in the US, Kim also finds himself in demand in Britain, and appears on The Graham Norton Show

March 2017 After all the ef for t he’s put into missile tests and assassinations, Kim Jong-un is absolutely gutted that the Western press is dominated by the antics of President Trump – a man he’s only heard of from Vladimir Putin’s sauna parties. ‘“A despotic reactionary with a chaotic temper and a cartoon haircut,”’ Kim reads aloud from The New York Times. ‘That’s my act! Who does he think he is?’ He demands reassurance from his PR team that he’s at least the best-known Kim in the US. ‘Chairman,’ a lackey demurs, opening the Kardashian Wikipedia page, ‘you may want to sit down for this.’ November 2017 His communications team disappeared, Kim realises he needs to change tactics in order to maintain his fame. He packs a knapsack full of identical suits, tells the North Korean population to literally not move until he’s back, then sets off on a charm offensive across the West. ‘It’s time you folks got to know my good side,’ he tells a rally in New York. ‘First, though, I’d like to thank whoever it was at the FBI who leaked me a green card.’ June 2018 Buoyed by his warm reception in the US, Kim also finds himself in demand in Britain. On The Graham Norton Show he reveals he too has a Big Red Chair at home (only his guests fall into a shark pool), earning him the nickname Kim Jong-fun. He’s approached by Channel 4 to be Prue Leith’s edgy partner on the new Great British Bake Off, but the plan is thwarted during the pilot when the producer spots that Kim’s recipes contain polonium. ‘Got me! I guess you can take the boy out of Ryongsong Residence, Pyongyang…’ he giggles. Guy Kelly