Beauty bi­ble

Bring the sa­lon to your sit­ting room for a whole range of treat­ments

The Daily Telegraph - Telegraph Magazine - - CONTENTS - Celia Walden

Celia Walden’s lit­tle home helpers

‘You def­i­nitely said tues­day .’ ‘i said Wed­nes­day,’ in­sists my hus­band. ‘and if you wrote dates down in­stead of stash­ing them in the call cen­tre that is your mind, you might have a bet­ter chance of re­mem­ber­ing them.’

We’re star­ing at each other across the kitchen ta­ble, caught in that cu­ri­ous mar­i­tal mi­cro-mo­ment when you’ re try­ing to de­cide whether you can be both­ered to take the ar­gu­ment to the next level, when a meek fe­male voice be­hind me asks: ‘so we’re go­ing for a nice beachy wave today?’

i’m not quite sure when it was that i be­came a home-beauty app ad­dict, but aside from my fa­cial­ist su-man, (for whom i would fly across the world in the hold with the lug­gage), there isn’t now a sin­gle piece of body ad min i would leave the house for on a reg­u­lar ba­sis. Con­se­quently, and as my hus­band points out, ‘there are three of us in this mar­riage – and the third party al­ways seems to be bran­dish­ing tongs, or nail pol­ish.’

there a re women who en­joy t he process of spa sand sa­lons. it’s a cer­e­mo­nial thing. the mag­a­zines. the rob es. the‘ re­lax­ation rooms’ where you sit un­com­fort­ably op­po­site an­other spa-san­dal-wear­ing woman un­til a ther­a­pist comes to de­liver you from your ti­betan gong-sound­tracked pur­dah. they yearn for the ca­ma­raderie of sit­ting among dozens of foiled-up fe­males all weigh­ing in on the same

Hello! royal spread. Well, not me. i like the prod­uct, not the process. Be­cause that’ s just dead time. now, thanks to the uber fi­ca­tion of the beaut yin dus­try, i can en­joy some qual­ity mar­i­tal tiffs while hav­ing my toe­nails painted (in essie’s Chastity Pink), par­ent while be­ing pum­melled – and write my column while be­ing given ‘the SJP wave’.

a word of ad­vice: don’t go rogue with th­ese apps. af­ter all, you’re let­ting a stranger( wield­ing wax strips) into your home, and the shod­dier com­pa­nies don’t vet their ther­a­pists as closely as they should. i know, i’ve tried them all, and th­ese five are the best.

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