The Midult’s guide to… truth

Annabel Rivkin & Emilie Mcmeekan

Clichés are annoying, patronising and best avoided. But the most maddening thing about them is the fact that they tend to be true. That’s why they are clichés. some sayings are a little different; more folkloric and myth-laden and poetic and ghostly. But on the island of g rown-up, we find that there are certain things that go beyond merely being comforting in their familiarity. We start to rely on them, like minuscule zebra crossings for the soul. everyone knows what they mean and everyone knows they are desig ned to make us feel better. There is an act of trust involved. But what if t hey’re all lies? no, we’re not going to countenance that. sometimes these clichéd sayings are the only thing holding us together, making us feel like f unctional members of society, along with concealer and dry shampoo. here are some well-worn old friends that we pray are true.

THE UNIVERSE WILL PROVIDE

What if it doesn’t? What if it didn’t get the memo? What if the universe leaves us out in the gutter of life like a single child’s shoe? and seeing as we’re on the subject, why is it always a single child’s shoe? intensely sinister.

IT IS WHAT IT IS

oh, how t his used to dr ive us nuts. What did it even mean? now, though, we get it. sometimes it really is just what it is. But what if it isn’t? What if it’s actually something else entirely? like a wolf in sheep’s clot hing? or a greek bea r ing a g if t? Perhaps we should all educate ourselves to say, ‘it could be what it might be.’ and then shrug. oof, that makes us feel deranged with vulnerability.

YOU NEVER FAIL UNTIL YOU STOP TRYING

But how much trying is there left in us? Probability is starting to dictate that this may not turn into a technicolored success. To be honest, if we were the betting types would we gamble on us? Would we put everything on black?

KARMA WILL GET THEM

This had just better be t r ue because s omet i mes it ’s t he only t hi ng t hat s ave s us f rom publ ic humil i at ion, unemployment or prison.

YOU ONLY GET WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE

Well that’s good to know because we are at capacity. in fact, we were kind of done one migraine, two bad relationships, three energy bills and four sleepless nights ago. But thanks.

THERE’S PLENTY MORE FISH IN THE SEA

you say that, and we long to believe it’s true, but the fish we’ve met tend to be a bit… diseased. all we want is an emotionally healthy cod. But what if someone has got the last stable and solvent cod? or the ocean has been overfished and there are no more cod, just bitter mullets with Mumma-mullet issues? Because from where we’re standing…

FORTUNE FAVOURS THE BRAVE

We have learnt that just because you are frightened, it doesn’t mean you are not brave. is it possible to be terrified a nd courageous at t he sa me t i me? it had better bloody be. so where’s the luck? The godsend? The break? The windfall? Presumably in the post.

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE

Thanks for the offer Buddha but, please, not again.

CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS

you’ve had two baths a day. The linen cupboard is a symphony of fabric-cond it ioned sof t nes s. The sur face s a re sterile. you even ordered a nail brush and a tong ue scraper. But… spiritual solace? not so much. or not yet. or whatever. hand us the Domestos and the vodka.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

hopefully. But it’s also possible that we are always going to feel like this. only slightly different hour-to-hour, day-today. nuanced rather than transformed. stuck in that darkest hour.

IT WILL BE OK IN THE END

if it’s not ok it’s not the end. The end. themidult.com

Sometimes, these clichéd sayings are the only thing holding us together, along with concealer and dry shampoo