The Midult’s guide to...

Bad language

What is more habit-forming than language? Words are how we translate feelings that would otherwise exist only in our interior lives. Words are the conduit, unless you a re one of t hose 5 rhythms types, expressing your inner self through the medium of dance. Which we are not. We are talkers. sometimes sighers. often hand flappers. But mostly talkers.

still, words, like other trend-led things (songs, dresses, avocados), can be rendered ragged and ruined through overuse. Lumpy and clumpy and wincingly irritating .‘ iconic’ is a case in point. handbags and lipsticks are not iconic. the trouble is, it’s a hard one to substitute. ‘Celebrated’, perhaps? But it doesn’t have the same epic ring to it. and it runs quite close to‘ celebrity ’, which is a horror.

‘Passion’ is a clenchy one. We a re told to be passionate, follow our passion. But harmonious passion is really about joy – now there is an underutilised word. Bring back ‘joy’ and leave ‘passion’ tot hehr departments and personal ads.

We’ ll pass on‘ banter ’, too(it’ s enough to murder any fledgling relationship), and we’re not keen on ‘pamper’. ‘Fashionista’ died a grisly death a generation ago (it should never really have been born), but we sense that ‘fabulous’ – like corduroy – might be about to stage a comeback.

seeing as we’re here and laying all this vocabulary stuff bare, we need to talk. We literally need to talk. about ‘literally’. Because it literally has to stop. there’s a literal infestation (there isn’t) and it has taken hold and we need to release its grip. many of us are guilty of doing bad impressions of teenagers saying, ‘it was, like, so embarrassing. i was like, “What?”’ But here we are, all grown-up, literal-ising our way through the day. You are probably not literally starving. and if you introduce a joke by promising us it is ‘literally hysterical’, you have already killed the laugh. self-control will be required to rid us of ‘literally’. and ‘actually’ could go the same way. along with ‘basically’.

there are many words and phrases that could add colour to our verbal rainbows, too. Words to reinvigorate. Words to breathe new life into. Words like:

RATTY

more than ‘cross’, less than ‘angry’, different from ‘moody’. Useful.

VULGAR

since we seem to spend so much time in judgement mode, is there anything more haute in deliver y and damning in effect than ‘vulgar’? ‘What a vulgar man, vulgar thought, vulgar gesture.’

SENSATIONAL

how unutterably brilliant and flattering is this? hot, classy, impactful. ‘You are sensational in that jumpsuit.’

HUMDINGER

as in, ‘it was a real humdinger of an argument/party/cocktail.’ Puts pedestrian old ‘full-on’ to shame.

TONIC

‘Nice’ is flaccid. ‘Kind’ is better in the doing than in the articulation. if you are a tonic, you make people feel better. What bigger compliment is there?

GROOVY

Last year’s american election saw us re claiming the previously repellent ‘pussy’. hell, we might as well get our teeth into‘ groovy ’, too .‘ how are you feeling?’ ‘Groovy.’ Just style it out…

SAFE

Not as in, ‘this is my sa fe place,’ or, ‘i feel so sa fe i n your a r ms,’ but t he way we used it when we were 15. to indicate laconic approval. ‘Look at my new shoes.’ ‘how was your evening?’ ‘here, try the soufflé.’ ‘safe.’

METTLE

Use instead of ‘balls’. Because we may not have balls but we do have mettle.

MONKEY BUSINESS

imagine if we slammed our fists on the table in the middle of one of those annoying 5.30pm meetings and said, ‘enough of this monkey business .’ everyone would be dumbstruck.

Leave the word ‘passion’ to the HR departments and personal ads