The Midults’ guide to…

Not over-apologising

THE SORRY THING is a nightmare. The sorry reflex. The sorry files. It’s a sorry state of sorry affairs. Women need to learn to stop saying sorry. We need to deal with the low-level but constant contrition. To take responsibility without the powerless remorse that we learnt… where, when? It doesn’t matter, this isn’t a witch hunt (interesting that there is no such thing as a wizard hunt). But we are both compulsive apologisers. Or we were. But now we are so much less sorry. Hardly sorry at all. And certainly not sorry about:

WEARING WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANT

Floral-patterned jumpsuits that show our bras, enormous pants that cover everything from the belly button downwards, tracksuit bottoms that are as old as we are and even more distressed.

NOT CLEANING OUR CARS

Filthy. Hair everywhere. Sweets and bits of crisp. Is it a car or a bin? We don’t have to answer that question.

OBSESSING OVER HIGHLIGHTER

Oooh cheekbones, ooh shimmer, ooh shine, ooh dewy skin.

SAYING NO

No. Cannot. Do. This. We have no bandwidth left. Those adverts were right back then, and they are right now. ‘Just say no.’ To that meeting. Oh, and drinks party.

LOOKING LIKE HELL

For the days when we haven’t slept, the demons are there, the roof is leaking, the roots are being fixed tomorrow, we put hand cream on our face and we’re sweaty. Yes, we look stressed. We are stressed. It. Is. Stressful.

INDEPENDENCE

Not married? No children? Married? Children? Whatever. You are enough.

WANTING TO TAKE OFF OUR BRAS

Not in a ‘burny, smash-the-patriarchy’ kind of way. In a ‘thank God we are home and we don’t actually have welts’ kind of way.

BEING A FEMINIST

This time in a ‘burny, smash-thepatriarchy’ way.

BEING ANGRY

We’ve spent years suppressing our anger because you thought it wasn’t very becoming. Well, we are furious now. And the acknowledged fury is making us feel better.

NOT RESPONDING IMMEDIATELY TO A TEXT

Or a call or email for that matter. Everyone is constantly playing catch-up. NOT SORRY.

PUTTING OURSELVES FIRST

Sometimes we just need to lie down on a pile of warm, clean laundry – that we haven’t done and that we are not going to put away – and sleep. Or have 25 baths. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

WANTING TO MAKE MONEY

There comes a point when we suddenly become money hungry. Like a poundstarved Pac-man. It hits us unexpectedly because we thought it didn’t matter to us and suddenly we start channelling Gordon Gekko, even though we know that he wasn’t a very nice man. We want an extension, goddammit.

HOW MANY PEOPLE WE’VE SLEPT WITH

It doesn’t mean anything. Although we still regret the IT guy.

HOW MANY PEOPLE WE WANT TO SLEEP WITH

Sometimes the urge descends. It could be the butcher or someone from marketing or that bearded guy at the gym. Boeuf. And then just as quickly. Poof.

NOT BEING SORRY

It’s strange when something happens and, yes, in a certain light we might be in the wrong – but right now we are unrepentant. And that is OK. Until we wake up at 3am with THE FEAR. But at this moment, we are absolutely fine with it.

TAKING A VIEW

Yes, we worry about that horrible tumbleweed moment when we say what we really think. But we have years of experience. Years and years (OK, don’t go on). We know what the heck we are talking about. themidult.com

We are both compulsive apologisers. Or we were. But now we are so much less sorry. Hardly sorry at all