Asking for a friend

Your problems solved by The Midults

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, remember who you are

Q:Dear A&E, I’ve asked for a pay rise after five years of working very hard for a company. I feel as if I really deserve it but they said no, the business is restructuring and they can’t ‘accommodate my request’. I feel so stupid and let down. I really believe that I’ve made a contribution, supporting colleagues and helping others to shine. Worse, I have heard they have said yes to others’ requests for more money. What should I do? – Helpless

Dear Helpless, excuse us for a second while we limber up and get a bit angry on your behalf… You are not helpless, even though right now you feel undervalued, ignored, unsupported and, frankly, invisible at work. And as we know from experience, this attacks your sense of self and you carry it around with you like a sharp pebble in your shoe/soul.

A very good friend of ours recently told us her story. She was part ashamed, part distraught, part so incandescent with fury that she felt like she could power the national grid with her rage. She too had worked in an office for a long time and had become a little overwhelmed. Cuts had meant that her workload had doubled, her staff had been decimated and she felt close to not coping. But she thought she might be shored up by more money.

And before we get a thousand comments saying that if she wasn’t coping, why would she be deserving of a pay rise, let us tell you this: she loved her job, she was a mother of two boys but she was at her desk at 7am every day. She was diligent and dedicated, even at her lowest point she never took a day off, and the only person who knew she was close to breaking point was her. She felt that if her sacrifices were this great, then at least she should be properly remunerated. But the bosses gave the money to someone they con

sidered a star: a lazy young man who, incidentally, left six months later.

Our friend was devastated. But in that moment of helplessness, she realised she still had power. She remembered, even in her lowest moment, that she had skills and experience gained from 15 years in the workplace. That she had value. So she valued herself and looked for another job.

When she resigned, her bosses offered her more money to stay. But she knew that they didn’t consider her a star, so why would she stay and give them any more of her time?

Now, Helpless, we are not being cavalier here. We are not saying walk out in a flounce and risk your financial security. We are saying, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, remember who you are. Look for something else, start laying the foundations for a different kind of future. Our friend is now running her own business. Making more money and getting all the credit.

We are educated to believe that we have to be good workers, towing the company line, absorbing the cuts and taking the Sauron-like decisions of the top-floorers on the chin. Maybe you’ll have to suck it up for a bit. Maybe you’ll need to do some research, look at what’s out there, work on your pitch (see the boxout below) and your CV. Do a course to brush-up on any skills that may need invigorating. Check out the motivational courses run by Step Up Club (stepupclub.co) that are designed to get you looking and feeling shiny and switched on. You are low now, Helpless, but it’s time to get excited about all the possibilities, because they’re endless.

Do you have a dilemma that you’re grappling with? Email Annabel and Emilie on themidults@telegraph.co.uk. All questions are kept anonymous. They are unable to reply to emails personally