Asking for a friend

Your problems solved

Q:Dear A&E, this may seem trivial but I am being driven to distraction by a colleague’s email habits. She cc’s everyone in on everything all the time, emails at ludicrously late hours and, once an email chain has been created, jumps in on everything. Her behaviour creates confusion and interference that makes me feel like I am constantly playing catch-up and as if I have no autonomy. It is agitating beyond belief. — Foolish

Dear Foolish, the first thing we want to do is reassure you that you are not in fact foolish. Emails may pretend to be a useful form of communication, on account of being quick and not requiring pigeons or stamps, but they are also an absolute scourge.

As professionals, we spend an average of 13 working hours each week buried in our email inboxes. Email anxiety is a thing. Emilie listens to chanting on her headphones in order to deal with the pressure from her inbox – she is a compulsive responder. Annabel has 10,077 unread emails, which carries its own burden.

We all know that every time we open an email something is likely to be asked of us. But crucially, as social psychologist and email expert Ron Friedman (author of The Best Place To Work: The Art and Science of Creating an Extraordinary Workplace) wrote, ‘Shifting our attention from one task to another, as we do when we’re monitoring emails while trying to read a report or craft a presentation, disrupts our concentration and saps our focus.’ Long story short, email makes us stupider. And more annoying.

Most people have a vague sense of this because they are human and assume that what stresses them out must stress others out. But then there are the email extremists. People who use emails as a weapon and a klaxon. And this is what you are dealing with.

Email extremists care little of consequences because they’re so busy creating the illusion of busyness. They email late at night to bolster their sense of authority and ‘always on-ness’. They interfere with everything to seem like they’re across all departments and projects. They are a nightmare. Let’s not even get started on the passive-aggressive copying in of the higher-ups.

They also create workflow issues because it’s often unclear who needs to do the actual work. And, we are sensing, your extremist is blocking your direct communication with your boss, meaning you feel invisible and passed over. It’s frustrating as hell,

Some people use emails as a weapon and a klaxon. They are a nightmare

Foolish, and we’re amazed you haven’t taken them out with a stapler. So how to deal with this situation without abusing office stationery?

Well, first of all, hold your boundaries. You know how to do your job, so keep doing it, doing it well, and you will be fine. But to avoid volume pulling focus from talent, schedule in oneto-one meetings with your superior. Yes, we know everyone hates meetings almost as much as emails, but still, you need five minutes for catch-up, feedback and visibility. Make sure your role in the enterprise is completely clear and do not be afraid to toot your own horn. We/you/women don’t do enough of it. Toot loud.

Secondly, avoid unnecessary emails. If you’re contacting other departments, copy in only those concerned and have an actual conversation if possible. This is generally a lot less time-consuming, with infinitely less back and forth followed up with endless clarification. It also provides less opportunity for someone to pretend they are running the show while actually creating blockages.

Talk to people. Create your own little work system outside the email network. In doing that, you will cut off the email extremist’s oxygen supply: what are they going to do? Follow you round the office, adding commentary to all your conversations? Remember that, for all the digital noise, this is still a relationship game.

One more thing: no one is deceived by virtual presenteeism. Let them send messages at midnight all they like. It only makes them look unhinged.

Do you have a dilemma that you’re grappling with? Email Annabel and Emilie on themidults@telegraph.co.uk. All questions are kept anonymous. They are unable to reply to emails personally