The Daily Telegraph - Saturday - The Telegraph Magazine
Change of life
‘I scattered my husband’s ashes at Everest base camp’
I was three days into my trek to Everest base camp when, with leaden legs, I broke down in tears. Ahead of me, all I could see was a seemingly never-ending path, strewn with huge rocks. It was relentless. But I could also feel my late husband, Gavin, encouraging me on. The pot containing his ashes weighed heavily in my backpack and reminded me why I was there. It had been his dream to climb to base camp, but, sadly, he never got to fulfil it, as he died from cancer the previous summer. So, here I was, doing it for him.
I’d met Gavin in June 1993, when I was 18, during a Scouts activity weekend. He was confident and cheeky, and I was immediately drawn to him. We began dating soon after, married in 1996 and we went on to have two wonderful daughters and build our careers – Gavin in printing while I worked with apprentices.
We were inseparable. So when Gavin was diagnosed with bowel cancer in July 2012, I was terrified. We listened, stunned, as the oncologist told us it was inoperable and that Gavin would be put on a maintenance treatment programme of chemotherapy and antibody drugs. He was just 39.
The impact of those words was devastating. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him – my best friend and the only person I could truly be myself with. I felt helpless, overwhelmed and desperate as we tried to work out how we’d tell our girls, Darcey and Megan, then just five and 14. In the end we were honest with them, but they were inconsolable.
We were initially told that Gavin had two years to live, but in true Gavin style, he defied the odds and survived for six more precious years. During that time, we tried to make as many memories as possible. We had a big party for his 40th, and he even took me to Venice for mine. He refused to let cancer suck the fun out of life.
When Gavin did die, in July 2018, it was as though I’d lost half of myself. We’d had time to prepare, but he left a huge hole in our lives.
A fit and active man with a passion for hiking, Gavin had always dreamed of trekking to base camp. He’d even joked that he wanted me to take his ashes there, knowing it would be completely out of my comfort zone. I wasn’t particularly fit, so didn’t believe I could manage it.
Instead, Gavin had suggested we scatter some of his ashes at Scafell Pike in the Lakes. But one day I bumped into one of his Scout leader friends, Pete. He mentioned he was going to
The closer I got to base camp, knowing what I was going to do, the more emotional I became
base camp in a few months and that I should join him. It felt like a sign, and I knew I had to do it for Gavin.
I began training, and in April 2019, set off on the 12-day trek to base camp, which is 17,900ft above sea level. It was such a beautiful journey, but it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever faced. We walked for up to nine hours a day and dealing with the altitude was a challenge; each morning I’d wake with a pounding head.
Pete and I talked about Gavin every day and how much he would have loved it. I felt sad that he hadn’t been able to experience it, but I also felt privileged that I was able to.
The closer I got to base camp, knowing what I was going to do, the more emotional I became. Although it isn’t the prettiest of places, the atmosphere there is jubilant because everyone is so happy they’ve made it. When I scattered his ashes it felt like a release. I opened the pot, said, ‘I love you,’ and let the wind take him. There was something very healing about it. Knowing that I’ve left a part of Gavin there makes me smile.
Two years on and we’re still adjusting to life without him. The girls and I miss him terribly, and I’ve felt that acutely during the past few months – not having his reassurance has been hard. We make sure we talk about him often; we laugh and we share memories together. That keeps him alive.
I feel so proud of what I achieved and content that I managed to fulfil one of Gavin’s dreams on his behalf. I hope he’s proud of me too.
Beth’s climb raised £3,837 for Havens Hospices; havenshospices.org.uk