TRAVEL TRIBES

“Actually, it’s more like dah-DAH-dah, being an uptempo five-stroke clave pattern,” Bruce interjects, steering Angie expertly between the rumba teacher and a couple of young honeymooners trying to master the steps. “Here, in Cuba, the three main styles of rumba are yambú, columbia and guaguancó. Watch – Angie and I are doing Matanzas guaguancó.”

Bruce and Angie – or Brangie, a portmanteau Angie has been lobbying for since 2007 – are having a glorious time at their all-inclusive resort in Varadero. Frequent travellers, they love nothing more than arriving as guests in a new culture and teaching the locals how to be more like them. They carefully assess the resorts on offer and choose a holiday based on where they can best demonstrate their wealth of expensively acquired knowledge and expertise, be it Second World War trivia in Malta, grape varietals in Tuscany or the herbs employed in Thai cuisine.

Bruce can generally be found in the lobby, supplementing the local knowledge of the reception staff with his own wealth of wisdom – about reputable taxi firms, the best jogging routes, and local excursions. Angie, meanwhile, is telling the Pilates instructor at the gym how her personal trainer teaches spinal roll-ups back home in Cobham. After 50 lengths of butterfly in the pool, she’ll warm up her vocal chords in anticipation of open mic night at the beach bar. Her rendition of These Boots Are Made For Walkin’ has won awards at Club Meds from La Plagne to Cherating.

Bruce wonders if they should plan a more relaxing holiday closer to home; it might be just as satisfying to show off in Britain. Angie disagrees. For her, travel is all about experiencing new cultures, meeting new people – and showing them how much better you are at everything.