TRAVEL TRIBES

Conrad sinks heavily into the rattan chair in the hotel dining room, amid the tinkle of teacups and rustle of muesli from the breakfast buffet, wearing a satisfied smirk.

“It’s a miserable morning in London,” he declares, wide-eyed with glee. “11C with 87 per cent humidity and a 70 per cent chance of rain until 3pm, with 21mph northeasterlies. In Worcester, it’s worse!”

Conrad’s wife, Tabitha, silently scrapes yogurt from the pot’s foil-backed inner lid.

“But here in Lisbon, it’s a very promising start to the day, particularly on the AccuWeather app, which, I have to say, is far more reliable than the Met Office or the Weather Channel,” says Conrad. “A very promising morning in Lisbon indeed!”

“I know, Conrad, because I’ve looked out the window,” says Tabitha, stabbing at her yogurt with a cheap stainless-steel spoon.

“Zero per cent chance of rain, visibility 12.9km, air pressure 1016 hPa and a high of 26C,” rattles off Conrad, smiling approvingly at his Samsung Galaxy.

Then his face falls. “Monday, well, Monday is a different story,” he mutters. “Monday looks rather bright in Worcester, according to the Weather Channel. And AccuWeather has it stormy here in Lisbon. This isn’t good. This isn’t good at all. Come on, Tabitha, I’m not hungry,” says Conrad, abruptly rising and gathering up his

Pringle sweatshirt. “We should make the most of this good weather while we have it.”

Tabitha gazes up at Conrad in much the same way that Conrad habitually gazes up at rain clouds. Together they exit the hotel, stepping out into glorious sunshine.

“Hang on, let me check Monday again,” mutters Conrad, squinting at his phone. He wishes the sun wasn’t so bright. It makes it so hard to tell what the weather’s doing.