FAIRWAY TO HEAVEN CONSTANCE CRAVING NOT NOW, LAST BERNHARD RESORT

Many former Ryder Cup proving grounds in the USA are members-only affairs. But not Kiawah Island Golf Resort, South Carolina, which hosted the 1991 tournament, which was decided by the final shot of Bernhard Langer. Its Ryder Cup Package costs from $1,000pp/£762 (kiawahresort.com). Thwack, boink, thunk, thunk, thunk. What? Ah, that’s the sound of a golf ball bouncing along a tranche of French grass. The coming week will witness the 42nd staging of the Ryder Cup (Sept 28-30) – at Le Golf National, on the south-west edge of Paris. Depending on your perspective, this is either the greatest of all sporting face-offs between Europe and the USA, or a grudge match defined by red-faced fans from Texas shouting “Get in the hole!” as if convinced that achybreaky-voiced exhortations can influence the direction of a putt. Either way, although tickets for the action are sold out, you can still enjoy the vibe via the practice days (Tues-Thurs, from €45/£40; rydercup. com/tickets). Golf in Paris in November? I don’t care if both Ryder Cup teams are still partying in the bar two months after the event – I want to play somewhere hot. Like the Dominican Republic – and the five-star Casa de Campo resort, where you can arrive on Nov 24 for seven all-inclusive nights and five rounds from £1,965pp ( flights extra) via golfbreaks.com? Yes. The world’s most beautiful golf course? Good question. But there’s a joy to the 18 holes at the Constance Lémuria resort (constancehotels.com), at the west tip of Praslin in the Seychelles, where the fairways flank the famous Anse Kerlan beach. Seven nights, with breakfast and flights, start at £2,170pp; turquoiseholidays.co.uk. The USA won the 2016 cup. They mentioned it a couple of times. They may mention it again if they win in Europe for the first time since 1993. If you can’t stand hearing “You-Ess-Ay!” at volume, but love golf, one option is to escape to the world’s most southerly course – Ushuaia Golf Club, in Argentina (ushuaiagolf.com; $60). Stop by on the Southern Grand Tour sold by lastfrontiers.com; from £6,925 with flights. I hate golf. And I can’t believe that celebrity ladies’ man and occasional golfer Tiger Woods, who hasn’t won a major since Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon (or thereabouts), is somehow in the American team. Can’t I go and look at real tigers instead? Ones with claws and massive teeth that hang out in India? Oh, go on then. Cox & Kings sells a 15-day Grand Tour of Northern India, which features two nights in Ranthambore National Park, hom home of big orange cats. From £2,695pp, with flights (coxandkings.co.uk).