TRAVEL TRIBES

Stephanie sits down at the breakfast table and glares warily at the ceramic dish holding multicoloured sachets of artificial sweetener. “Sweet ’N Low? Really?” she hisses at her boyfriend, Harry. “God, it’s like stevia never happened to Italy.”

Spying a small window of opportunity, Harry clears his throat. “Do you know your Italian history, then?” he asks. “This morning I was rather hoping to start with the Galleria Borghese…”

“Just a moment, sweetie,” interrupts Stephanie, disappearing headfirst into a vast canvas tote bag. She emerges brandishing three expensive-looking amber glass jars labelled Goddess Gloop, Superfood Sludge and Hype Powder, a bottle of Travel Well Immuno-Drops and two miscellaneous sachets of powder.

“I just can’t imagine doing this weekend in Italy without my spoonful of Reishi. It’s really balanced my hormones and reduced my anxiety,” she says.

“They do say the Mediterranean diet is one of the healthiest in the world,” says Harry, brightly. “So for lunch, I was thinking about this little trattoria in the…”

“Although, I mustn’t forget about my darling Chlorella!” Stephanie interjects, wagging the bottle in Harry’s face, as Harry considers a bleak future with a daughter named after an overpriced green freshwater organism.

At that moment, the waiter walks past and glares suspiciously at the powderstrewn gingham tablecloth. Harry frantically starts to brush powder off the tablecloth. “Terribly sorry,” he says. “It’s only…” Harry falters. How can he possibly say “pea protein powder” to an Italian?

This romantic weekend was not going well.

To read more articles by Anna Hart, see telegraph.co.uk/travel/team/anna-hart