‘Careful planning let my sister achieve her dream’

Charlotte Johnstone and Tamsin, who has autism, enjoyed a siblings-only holiday doing an activity they both love: riding in Dartmoor

In a rare moment of peace, my sister Tamsin and I sat side by side on our horses at the top of North Hessary Tor. It was early morning. The curling Dartmoor mist had receded to the valleys and the rolling hills beckoned with tufty grasses and mysterious megalithic monuments. Everything was still. One of the horses harrumphed and a ground-nesting bird chirped as it took sudden flight.

Tamsin is autistic, so travelling hasn’t always been easy; she doesn’t cope very well with change and gets anxious in unfamiliar places. I wasn’t sure if I could pull off a holiday on our own. Those with close relatives on the spectrum will know the stomach-churning struggle: tantrums under restaurant tables, arguments over wearing suitable clothes, refusing to get off the floor of a plane aisle – refusing to get on the plane at all (New Zealand 2011).

And if it’s not the constant stares and the terrible arguments we’ve had with strangers who don’t understand that Tamsin doesn’t have an “indoor voice” (especially because they see she’s a 24-year-old adult), it’s the feeling of constantly needing to apologise. Next usually comes the gut-wrenching guilt after an unfair snap at her to – for goodness sake – shut up and get on with it.

As frustrating as it has been, the laughs outweigh the tears. At times she’s had my 21-year-old brother and me in such uncontrollable states of laughter that my parents have publicly told us off for behaving badly (most recently in Puglia 2018. I was 28.) In fact, Puglia is very close to our hearts. My parents tackled the holiday conundrum by buying a small trullo (the local conical-shaped property) there in 2003 and it has become our second home. Tamsin knows exactly what to expect when we stay and, as a result, she’s become a lot better at travelling overall.

So I decided it was time to take her on our first girls’ weekend away, just the two of us. But it had to be the right kind of trip: anything to do with animals was top of my list. Tamsin and I learned to ride together when we were younger. The calming effect that horses have on people with autism is well documented and Tamsin, with years of experience and a diploma in horse care, is better than I, so she already had the upper hand, which was really important. I booked us in for a night and a ride at Bovey Castle, a baronial granite country house hotel in Dartmoor, which has teamed up with Liberty Trails, an adventure riding company.

I was nervous. Being in charge of an autistic relative for the first time is daunting. While parents are often acknowledged as the main caregivers bearing the weight of a child who has autism (of any age), sibling carers are overlooked. How do you suddenly match up to the responsibility? What if something goes wrong? Or she can’t cope? Or I can’t cope? This is where preparation was key, and where it was crucial that we did something we both felt comfortable with.

Tamsin’s face lit up as we approached the hotel, its lichen-flecked granite facade striking against the Devonshire hills. After a brief adjustment period in the room, we sat on the terrace of Smith’s Brasserie to watch the sun go down and meet Elaine and Bob Prior, who run Liberty Trails.

I had been confident that Tamsin and I would be excellent candidates, but it quickly became clear that we weren’t as experienced as their usual clientele. My heart sank as I saw the shifting body language, the pause as I waved Tamsin’s qualification certificates at them and said that she “could even do dressage”. I had circles – remains of a prehistoric settlement. I could hear Tamsin chattering away ahead. Despite the tethering, she was in her element.

I did a double take as I saw a table in the distance fully dressed with throws, cafetieres and croissants: breakfast. Bob was setting it all up. And – to Tamsin’s utter delight – we were soon surrounded by a dozen or so wild ponies. “Thank you,” she beamed, feeding one an apple. “This is an absolute dream of mine, to eat breakfast with wild ponies.”

The next day, my parents called me to say that Tamsin hadn’t stopped talking about our trip. Good timing, careful planning and a bit of good luck had clearly paid off. “Where next?” they asked.

Charlotte Johnstone was hosted by Bovey Castle, part of the Eden Hotel Collection (read the full review telegraph.co.uk/tt-boveycastle; rooms from £170; boveycastle.com). Riding was with Liberty Trails, a bespoke adventure riding company most suitable for expert riders (liberty-trails.com; prices on an individual basis).