The Daily Telegraph - Saturday - Travel
The holiday that changed me So... let’s talk about IVF
For Anton du Beke of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’, a road trip in California led to a life-changing decision
Around Easter 2015, my girlfriend Hannah and I took a trip to California. She had to work for the first five days in San Francisco, and we decided to spend another two and a half weeks on holiday: we drove to Napa Valley, Carmel and Yosemite, I played a bit of golf at Pebble Beach and then we went to LA and booked into one of those famous bungalows at The Beverly Hills Hotel.
It was during that holiday that we decided that we would try IVF. Hannah has endometriosis and would have struggled to have children. It was about three years into our relationship. We hadn’t talked about marriage, but we were living together and the presumption was we’d stay together.
I knew that Hannah wanted to have kids – she’d always pictured herself getting married and having children. She had mentioned IVF to me many times, apparently, but I had always swerved the question and, in truth, I don’t remember her talking about it before that holiday. That tells you how well I was paying attention!
I suppose it’s because I was in my late 40s and had never married or wanted to have a family. My career had been my priority and having children isn’t the biological imperative for men that it is for women.
But something shifted on that holiday. It wasn’t a light bulb eureka moment, but I imagine it was a case of Hannah and me being together so much. I knew I loved her and wanted to be with her. I think nk going on a long holiday with your loved ved one is a bit of a test. At home you spend most of the day away y from them because you’re working, orking, while on holiday you spend every minute ute with them, and when en it’s a driving holiday, y, it’s every second of f every minute! Any- body who wants to o get married should d first pass the driving g holiday test.
We had such a brililliant time together. r.
She suggested I play y golf at Pebble Beach. She was a nongolfer, but walked the course with me, which I appreciated. True love, eh?
The holiday also gave us space and time to talk. During that walk, she asked again if we could talk about IVF. This time I heard her clearly, although I probably responded, “Yes, darling, now hand me that four iron.” But I realised I had to stop avoiding the subject.
The conversation started over dinner that night at The Beverly Hills Hotel and it continued back at our bungalow. We were having such a lovely time and I confess I was worried that the holiday could all go wrong at th this point, but I listened. In retrospect retrospect, I realise that I had avoided the topic because I knew that if I w were to have children it would have to be with the perso person I’d spend the rest of m my life with.
May Maybe because I’d grow grown up in an unhap unhappy household, I didn’ didn’t want to bring childr children up in a similar a atmosphere and no w way did I ever wa want to be a div divorced dad. I ne needed to make su sure she was “the one”. So I was hyper-aware that agreeing to have children with Hannah was as momentous for me as saying “I do”.
And when that night I was forced to ask myself the question of whether I wanted to be with her forever, it was a yes. I said to Hannah, “OK, if we have children it will be the best thing we ever did. If we don’t, it will be the best thing we never did. I want to be with you forever and we’ll have a great life whatever happens. If IVF is what you want, let’s do it!” She was so happy I’d finally confronted it. As soon as we got home, I rang a clinic.
I knew people who’d had IVF at the ARGC clinic in London. I knew the way they did it; they have a very high success rate for older mums, although it’s a bit boot camp. There was a six-month delay at first because of something they discovered during their investigation of Hannah, but then she got pregnant with twins on the very first go in June 2016. It was amazing. We were so lucky. We went through the process together – going back and forth to the clinic and seeing the heartbeats on the monitor. I loved Hannah being pregnant
– I took weekly photographs of her body as she was growing. Despite having swerved the question before, I never had doubts about parenthood.
Our twins, Henrietta and George, were born in March 2017 and we got married a month after. They’re three and a half now and have just started school.
Parenthood has been the most incredible thing. I remember when I didn’t have children, I’d admire other people’s children, but I didn’t get it until I had my own. They are the most wonderful thing and make me laugh every day. Everything I did pre-children was for me; everything I do post-children is for my family. There’s nothing better to me than saying “my family”. I love it. If I were younger and richer, I’d have had six children. That holiday changed everything for me and I’m so glad it did.
A Christmas to Remember by Anton du Beke is available for £18.99 at books. telegraph.co.uk; 0844 871 1514
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