What we want to see and hear from the BBC
Oh gawd, is the BBC really going to bombard us with ads, day and night, telling viewers and listeners how much we love it as the Government launches a consultation on its future? As a former TV critic, and a Maris Piper among couch potatoes, here, for what it’s worth, is my advice:
1Ignore
critics who say you must “stop chasing ratings” and make only high-minded, improving programmes. Poor figures would embolden its enemies to claim that people shouldn’t have to pay a licence fee for programmes nobody wants to watch.
2But
stop putting rubbish on BBC One that would lower the tone
on Channel 5. Shows such as Don’t Tell The
Bride, which is reality TV at its squirmiest and most pointless.
3It
was a stupid idea to turn BBC Two into BBC One, BBC Four into BBC Two and BBC One into ITV. Partly because the BBC is often really bad at being ITV; look at how pathetic
The Voice is compared
with X Factor. Millions of pounds spent and not a single viable popstar produced. Have more faith in the intelligence of the BBC Two audience. Fewer derivative cookery shows and more great cultural things like Cardiff Singer
of the World, a showcase for brilliant young opera singers, which should not be relegated to BBC Four. Doesn’t matter if the audience is small; bringing classical music to a wider audience is The Kind of Thing the BBC Should Be Doing. And, yes, Imagine is a brilliant arts series, but it would be nice to have more.
4Oh,
and get a books programme, for heaven’s sake. Promoting reading is The Kind of Thing the BBC Should Be Doing. It’s also very cheap. Desperate authors, such as myself, will come on for a train fare and a Rich Tea biscuit.
5Never
forget that the BBC is a public service. No one minds big stars being paid top dollar, but too many personnel earn more than the Prime Minister, who is supposed to be the highest-paid civil servant. How can that be justified? A cull of featherbedded management, who would be unemployable elsewhere, is long overdue. Cut any job with a title no one understands.
6If
in doubt, think: what would David Attenborough do? Publicservice service ethos to his core, Attenborough flew longdistance economy until well into his seventies and carried the equipment into the jungle, just like the rest of the crew. Compare that with the senior PR man who ate breakfast, lunch and dinner at London’s fanciest restaurants at licence-payers’ expense.
7Programmes
such as Strictly, Great British Bake Off, anything with Attenborough or Schama, and
Call the Midwife generate huge affection and loyalty. But don’t tell the audience “You laugh with the BBC, you cry with the BBC”. It’s like a neurotic man reminding his dubious girlfriend of all the great times they had together.
8Poldark
(be still my beating bodice). Any way you can run this on its own channel 24/7? Just asking for a friend.