Pumped-up PM leaves the jokes to Johnson

‘She sounded so enthusiastically pro-Brexit that you could wonder why she campaigned against it’

The Conservatives arrived in Birmingham to a predictably warm welcome. “TORY SCUM GET OUT OF BRUM,” read one placard. “CULL THE TORIES, NOT THE BADGERS,” read another. “THE ONLY CUTS WE NEED ARE TORIES ON THE GUILLOTINE,” proclaimed a third.

To mark the opening of the Conservative Party conference, thousands of Left-wing protesters had gathered for an anti-Tory march through the city centre.

“Let in every refugee/ Throw the Tories in the sea!” chanted one group. “Make the bonfire, make the bonfire, put the Tories on the top,” chanted another. “Put the Blairites in the middle, and we’ll burn the f------ lot!” A woman strode past clutching yet another placard. It read: “THE NASTY PARTY IS BACK IN TOWN.” Evidently so. This year, the Tory event is the only party conference with proper security (lots of guards, airport-style scanners, bag checks). Probably for the best.

Patrick McLoughlin, the party chairman, kicked off the speeches. He paid tribute to David Cameron; the hall applauded. Then he paid tribute to George Osborne. Silence. If the former chancellor really does still harbour ambitions of becoming prime minister, it seems the Tory grassroots may need a little more convincing.

Theresa May, by contrast, was greeted by a standing ovation. The theme of her speech was the EU. She sounded so enthusiastically pro-Brexit that you’d be forgiven for wondering why she campaigned against it. (Albeit not very hard.)

“Brexit means Brexit, and we will make a success of it!” she barked. The hall cheered. “Our laws will be made not in Brussels but in Westminster!” she cried. The hall cheered. “The authority of EU law will end!” she glowered. The hall cheered.

From Mrs May’s point of view, the speech went down very well. It played to her strengths: simple, plain-spoken, unshowy, and containing not so much as a whiff of a joke.

She left that job to the day’s final speaker, Boris Johnson. His appointment as Foreign Secretary has forced him to become a more sober speaker – but only slightly.

A random selection of phrases from his speech: “French knicker-sellers… Glorified military capon… Dripping in bling… Silly mid-off… Giving me the hairy eyeball…” He did make some more serious remarks, though. At one point, in a passage celebrating Western democracy, he trumpeted “the eternal and inalienable right of the media to make fun of politicians”.

That line got a round of applause. I’m not sure it would have done at Labour last week.