Shane Watson
In praise of same-age couples
Apparently, we are into the season of trading in the old wife for the much younger model. Well, Paxo has done it, and Clarkson – sort of. There will be some men considering the pros of a younger partner (someone to Worship Me after years of being treated like the house simpleton); and a lot of women contemplating the cons (having to leave your home of 35 years and start dating men with ear hair). Hey ho. Fingers crossed. What can you do?
Fight back is what! Remind ourselves of the positives of same-age marriage. Put together a list of all the reasons why being with someone who isn’t a decade or two younger is normal, nice and the best possible idea all round.
Compatible energy levels
Seriously, what is the bounce and glitter of youth (or relative youth) compared with someone who definitely does not want to go on to a club at 2am, who has no interest in Jägerbombs, and no desire to dance to Drake. Younger people set their alarms to go to raves: isn’t that the marital equivalent of waterboarding?
Having grown-up friends, or as grownup as you are
Outside a same-age marriage, you could find yourself spending the evenings with people who use the word “awesome” and think of Debbie Harry as really old. Same-age marriage means not having to hang out with people who never eat marmalade or buy a newspaper – or shave.
Consideration for your children
Obviously. Children do not want to think of their parents having sex and if you stick to your age group they’ll never have to.
Shared experience
The opposite of that is someone who has never smoked on an aeroplane, or washed their hair with one of those hoses you attach to the taps; who has no clue what Asteroids was, or a Joan Collins Cinzano ad, or who Susan Penhaligon is… Horrible.
Musical harmony
This is a big one. Huge, if your scratched copy of
After the Goldrush is still the album you are both most likely to put on at 3am. Can there be anything more nails-on-blackboard than someone who thinks Alexandra Burke was the first person to sing Hallelujah?
Being extremely critical of everything, and being very comfortable with that
Perhaps you’re thinking: “Ah, but that’s precisely the attraction of a younger person: they are not cynical. They’re so refreshing.” Well, yes, if they’re your children. But your other half, banging on about giving Jeremy Corbyn a chance, or the importance of sleeping with a crystal under your pillow, or the advantages of colonic irrigation? Don’t think so.
Sex: being on the same page
You can say: “Oooff! No look, hang on, I’m lying on my specs/toenail clippers/ buying a ping pong table on eBay”, and it’s absolutely fine because they Get It, and they were probably looking for an excuse to keep reading The Week.
The I-know-what-Ilike phase
You’re both past all the same stuff at the same stage. Oh, the relief of not having to pretend any more. Wouldn’t it be amazing to be at Glastonbury for three nights on the trot? Er, no. It’s not that you are no longer open to new experience, just that a lot of experiences are not new to you. You know that camping at festivals is hell. You have tried thrillers (no, Gone Girl is not going to be any different). You have risen at dawn to see the Buriburi bird, and hung out with rodeo cowboys and driven down route 101. What’s the point if you have to do all that stuff all over again because your partner has 30 years of catching up to do?
Same-age couples rock.
‘What’s the point of having to do stuff all over again because your partner has 30 years of catching up to do?’