Where do I stand on... WhatsApp groups?

It sounds like such a great idea: an app on your phone that allows you to message multiple people at once and have a conversation, for free. Perfect for organising birthday parties, buying joint gifts and arranging holidays. One of those rare digital innovations that might actually make life easier.

Yet what started as a wonder app has quickly become an anxiety-inducing plague. People who use WhatsApp fall into one of two camps: you’re either a “blue ticker” (someone who reads your message – making the grey tick next to your words turn blue, indicating that it has been received – and then, infuriatingly, doesn’t reply for hours), or you post mindless messages and images every few minutes.

The ideal position is somewhere between the two. No one wants to be labelled a blue ticker by their WhatsApp contacts – it’s plain rude and indicates the sort of person who waits to see if they get a better offer for Friday night, before RSVPing to your invitation. But there is one exception to this digital discourtesy – and that is the group chat.

The WhatsApp group is one of the banes of modern life. Anyone with more to do than sit staring at their phone all day, replying to messages as they come in, will find it impossible to keep up with the constant stream. Dare to ignore your phone for an hour? Welcome back to 76 unread WhatsApps, across three different threads. And that’s just the start.

What’s more, the app tells your contacts when you were last online, meaning there’s nowhere to hide.

Imagine a world without all this? Bliss. If ever there were a reason to swap your smartphone for a classic brick, like the re-released Nokia 3310, this could be it.