HOW TO HANDLE ADULT SIBLING RIVALRY BY LINDA BLAIR
It’s probably the longest relationship you’ll ever have, and studies show it becomes increasingly important to us the longer we live. Yet while there is plenty of information to help parents manage their children’s rivalry, there is almost nothing to help you if you fall out with one of your siblings in later life. Understanding the key characteristics of different sibling relationships first, is key.
Elder brother/ youngery sister Most often a protective relationship, with the elder brother looking out for his sister. It can, however, cause a sister to feel resentful if her brother was granted more status and privilege when young. Elder sister/ younger brother Generally a nurturing/ nurtured relationship, especially true if the sister is also the eldest child, because she’s likely to assume the caring role both as eldest and as a girl. Two sisters Although often rivalrous when young, research shows that sisters are the closest of sibling pairs as adults, especially if they have children near the same time. Two brothers The closer they are in age, the more likely they are to compete, particularly if parents value the accomplishments of one brother over those of the other.
Twins This relationship tends either to be incredibly close and supportive or intensely rivalrous. The key is whether, as children, parents treated them as two of the same (rivalry), or looked for and praised the individuality of each (closeness). If you feel distant from your sibling, remind them of positive shared experiences during childhood, and if possible try to recapture some of them. If you’ve fallen out over some issue, think ahead 10 years. Will that issue still be as important as a strong relationship with your sibling? If not, try to set the issue aside and see if you can re-establish your bond. You may still have much to share and treasure together.