WORDS OF WISDOM FOR THE BIG DAY

DO

Portray the groom in as flattering, if not as heroic, a light as possible. After all, he, not you, should come across as the best man here.

Praise the bride but in terms that are respectful and chaste, not pervy.

Tell amusing tales about aspects of the groom’s personality that are well known – an inability to buy a round, chronic lateness, or no domestic skills – rather than ones that will come as a shock to his new in-laws, his bride or his own family (that he has a secret love child, used to be a woman etc).

Acquiesce to all requests, whether it be removing drunk Uncle Gerry from the shrubbery, or making daisy chains for tiny bridesmaids.

Remain standing until the very end.

DON’T

Make crass allusions to the sexual past of the bride or the groom, especially if they are true.

Use lockerroom language or jokes – this sort of chat never translates to a mixed crowd.

Try to seduce any of the bride’s friends or family, at least until after the reception. Even then, don’t try to make off with her mother. And certainly don’t try it on with the bride. Or the groom, for that matter – it has been known.

Forget to enjoy it. Being a best man is an honour and a privilege, when you are chosen to stand centre stage and honour your friend on the best day of his life. Don’t mess it up.