Seven signs she’s not that into you
After Melania appeared to dodge the President’s hand, Shane Watson tells husbands everywhere what it could mean
It’s been the question on everyone’s lips since that awkward moment during her husband’s inauguration when Melania Trump’s face dropped for a split second: is she not that into Donald? Stepping off Air Force One this week, she – for the second time during their foreign trip – appeared to dodge the President’s attempt to hold her hand with a swift adjustment of her hair.
Once again, the smallest of gestures raised speculation that all may not be warmth and empathy in the Trump marriage. When you are First Lady, every gesture – even fixing your hair – is duly noted. If, in the process, you fail to take your husband’s hand, that is cause for comment, not least because it can be seen as a triple put-down. Dodging a hand-hold is a straightforward brush-off. Dodging a hand-hold when the person attempting to hold your hand is your husband, and your husband is POTUS, when maintaining a united front is more or less a diplomatic necessity – is the nuclear brush-off.
What is more, we know, since the Theresa May hand-holding incident at the White House, that Donald Trump is a bathmophobic (someone who fears going down steps or slopes and feels vulnerable without a hand to lean on). So another reason to wonder about her aversion to public hand-holding. The funny thing is that women will identify with this moment, and not just because we wouldn’t much fancy holding Trump’s hand ourselves. There are moments, even in the happiest marriages, when a wife is not in the mood for hand-holding; when, however temporarily, we are at the slim-pickings shallow end of the loving spectrum. Meanwhile, the world is chock-full of women who are unequivocally Not That Into their other halves, and finding it pretty hard not to show it. Husbands, these are the signs she’s Not That Into You...
She shops for clothes and not only does not ask your opinion, ever, but lately has been wearing clothes that almost seem designed to put you off: culottes; those flat mules with the furry lining; high-necked, shapeless dresses in putty coloured silk; white Nurse Ratched wedge lace-ups; pyjamas, and so forth.
(Note to men: this also could just be a sign that your wife is very, very fashion-conscious. However, it has to be said, if she were DIY – Definitely Into You – she would want your approval. Even the world’s biggest fashion victim bows to male aversion, if she cares about the male.)
Come your birthday, she is liable to give you something non-specific male and boring, such as bicycle panniers, or a subscription to a wine club. What you would have really liked – and you thought you’d dropped enough hints – was that book of Hipgnosis album covers, the remastered Ummagumma, or both.
(Note to men: you may simply be with a hopeless present-giver, but if everyone else on her list is getting the thoughtful, going-the-extra-mile treatment – not just exactly what they wanted, but engraved – then you should probably be worried.)
She does only what suits her. She is not doing anything simply because it makes you happy: seeing Alien: Covenant; driving the long way back to drop in on one of your old school friends; schlepping to Latitude to watch Goldfrapp.
(Note to men: are you putting yourself out for her? Because if you’re not, maybe you’re just in one of those each-to-their-own arrangements. Maybe.)
She distinguishes between Yours and Hers. We’re not talking about “your turn to take the dog out” or “her” phone-charger. We’re talking about Your Family and Your Friends as distinct from Our Mutual Interests.
If you want to see them, then you can organise it and do the shopping and the cooking and… by the way, did I mention I will be out?
(Note to men: Uh-oh. This is VERY YOU KNOW WHO: “Don’t look at me, my designated responsibilities absolutely stop here.”)
You are fast approaching 50 and she has not once nagged you about your drinking, eating or health in general. It’s possible that you’re already familiar with the advantages
‘If you want to see Your Friends then you can organise it, and cook... I’ll be out’
of cutting back on meat, the pros of turmeric and pomegranate etc, in which case, she should be nagging you about your teeth, your stiff joints, your dry skin.
(Note to men: one of the signs of a woman who cares, post-45, is how hard she is trying to keep you alive. You should be receiving a couple of texts a week urging you to stop eating sushi – it was “start eating sushi” only a few months back, but hey ho; ditch running and walk fast instead; stop drinking fizzy water.)
At a party, you won’t see her for dust. It’s almost as if she wants to give the impression that she is solo, not part of a couple.
(Note to men: there is a difference between the giddy, flirty partygoer and the woman who is looking for an out. I think we all know the signs. Not being able to find her at goinghome time would be one.)
You have reason to believe she has a running-away fund. This is distinct from money that has nothing to do with you. It is money that she is pretending not to have and did not declare, back in January, when the boiler needed replacing.
(Note to men: no idea what to do about this. Perhaps gently confront and you may be pleased to discover it’s being squirrelled away for a bumper anniversary party.)
Good luck…