Bewilderment reigns as the Conservative crown wobbles

Alittle idea for the broadcasters, next time we have a general election. The moment the exit poll is read out, we need live television cameras on the faces of the two main party leaders.

Just imagine how Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn must have looked last night as, on BBC One, Big Ben struck 10, and David Dimbleby – sounding as if he could barely believe it himself – read out the projected result. The Prime Minister had called the election to give herself a whacking great majority.

Instead, according to the numbers on the screen, she would have no majority at all. Throughout the campaign, she’d warned voters that Mr Corbyn could be PM if she lost a mere six seats. If these figures were proved to be correct, she had lost 17.

In every television studio, bewilderment reigned. At the BBC, Sir Michael Fallon – the Defence Secretary – sat flummoxed. He looked like a crestfallen toby jug. Mr Dimbleby put it to him gently that Mrs May’s decision to call an election was beginning to seem a trifle unwise. “I think it was the right thing to do,” murmured Sir Michael distantly.

Sitting alongside him, Labour’s John Mcdonnell was trying manfully to contain his glee. Might the Prime Minister have to resign? “Oh, I’m so cautious on these occasions!” the shadow chancellor giggled.

Viewers were then treated to the improbable spectacle of Mr Mcdonnell rounding on his political opponents for their “nastiness”.

Over to ITV. “I’ve heard nothing from Team Theresa,” said a reporter.

Understandable. They were probably still staring at their televisions in shock. I wondered what they would say when they finally found the power of speech. “No, of course the Prime Minister never said she needed to ‘strengthen her hand’. If anything, her hand was too strong. Those 17 seats were a burden.

“Now they’re no longer weighing her down, her government will be leaner and more streamlined.”

Back to the BBC. “Boy oh boy!” murmured David Dimbleby, still marvelling at the exit poll. “We’re going to be hung, drawn and quartered if we’ve got this wrong!”

And Mrs May, he was far too polite to add, would be hung, drawn and quartered if they’d got it right.

On ITV, Labour’s Emily Thornberry was preening like a cat.

The Conservatives’ Michael Gove, though, was sticking up stoutly for Mrs May, insisting that she had been “brave and right” to call the election, and would have “the absolute right” to stay on even if she’d lost her majority.

It might be remembered, of course, that Mr Gove’s views on the Conservative leadership are not always set in stone.

Still, as everyone kept saying, it was only an exit poll, and things could yet change in Mrs May’s favour. Postal votes, for example, could help her. But what if they didn’t?

“If these numbers are correct,” said Ed Balls on ITV, “there’ll be another general election soon.”

What a delightful thought.