How to be a shires mum
Life in the Home Counties is a far cry from the Human Rights Court, but schools and parenting are cut-throat, says local Estelle Lee
The spheres of human rights and Hollywood simultaneously rejoiced this week with the news that George and Amal Clooney had at last welcomed twins Ella and Alexander into the world. Their arrival is the culmination of a love story that has wooed the media: striking human rights barrister nabs defiantly single Hollywood bachelor (or the other way around). Visibly united in their passion for good works and each other, they could fail to melt only the hardest of hearts as their fairytale romance was sealed with a resplendent Venetian wedding and the swift arrival of the two miniature Clooneys.
The power couple may be well known on international circuits, but it’s telling that they have made the quaint riverside village of Sonning on Thames in Berkshire their new family home, only a few miles from where Amal and I grew up in the popular Buckinghamshire commuter belt – close to her family home in Gerrards Cross, or ‘‘GX’’ to locals. The prosperous but desirable area is consistently ranked as the most expensive in the country, tucked in the green foothills of the Chilterns and yet only 19 miles from London. An idyllic and privileged place to grow up.
Naturally, I’d like to tell you that Amal and I have a bit in common – we both attended the feted Dr Challoners High School in Buckinghamshire. And well, er, our taste in children’s names is very similar – choosing the classical Alexander for our first-born boys. Sadly, the parallels end there. Although my (silver fox) husband will beg to differ.
Amal might have her feet up in the Kensington Wing of Chelsea and Westminster, getting to grips with breastfeeding, but she will be itching to get back to Berkshire and introduce the twins to their new life. So what can Amal expect from motherhood in the Home Counties? She may be accustomed to the high drama of international courts, but what will local parenting circles have in store for her?
Schools
Parenting is mainly about the schools. It’s not as bad as London, where you need to register your foetus on prepschool waiting lists, but still. The nouveau riche will be moving out to get their children into the best establishments soon. You are not in the catchment for a grammar school, so start planning now. Same goes for Brownies and Beavers. Carole Middleton is just down the road and she would be good to ask for advice. You may be able to counter genocide singlehandedly, but do not offer 100 hours of free time to organise nursery coffee mornings or school auctions. You will never get everyone out of your sitting room and will end up having to donate the Lake Como
house as first prize.
One-upmanship
The Home Counties are a breeding ground for women who have redirected highflying careers into ambition for their children (and also baking). Big Little Lies has nothing on neighbouring Beaconsfield. Probably best not to invite anyone over for a pool party until you get to know them a bit better. And don’t forget to hide George’s Academy Awards in the loo. Mums can get a bit silly after a few glasses of lunchtime rosé. Also worth noting that skiing holidays are a basic human right in these parts. Start Ella and Alexander as soon as they can walk. You’ll be forking out for school skiing trips in a couple of years, so there’s no time to lose.
Making friends
If you are to survive the next three years, you are going to need some mum friends. Preferably ones with twins. As you’ve probably realised, there’s no Triyoga in Sonning. Everyone here does Park Run: 9am every Saturday, and bring the dogs too. Weekday classes for parents aren’t on the internet, so get George to look at the village-hall noticeboards. You’ll find Monkey Music and the odd yoga class beneficial – you can have a lie-down on the floor for half an hour while your children pour bubble liquid into the teacher’s guitar.