Potty-mouthed Miliband flushed with the success of radio venture

ED MILIBAND delighted listeners to his week-long takeover of Jeremy Vine’s BBC Radio 2 show by talking about lavatories.

In a discussion about a study commissioned by the not-for-profit water efficiency body Waterwise, which claimed dual-flush lavatories are to blame for wastage of up to 215 litres of water a day, Miliband invited callers to demonstrate the sounds of their own flushes. While gathering carefully considered opinions on modern dualflush equipment and their Victorian rivals, notably the iconic Crapper, Miliband expressed both glee and disappointment at the respective noises stemming from his listeners’ loos.

“We didn’t hear very much, did we Raymond?” he replied, to a man whose lavatory barely made a sound on-air. “That was a pretty silent flush.”

Caller Mathilda was able to excite Miliband to a greater degree, however.

“Modern loos lack the drama of what you’re about to hear,” Mathilda said, before demonstrating her mighty flush.

“You can’t argue with that, can you?” Miliband replied. “It certainly makes a noise and certainly is a real flush.”

The new radio host also spoke to expert Lucinda Lambton, author of the must-buy unusual picture book Temples of Convenience and Chambers of Delight, who offered no opinion on the controversial dual-flush appliance, but

‘We didn’t hear very much, did we? ‘ he replied to a man whose lavatory barely made a sound on-air.

did talk up the portable Thunderbox. (“Wax lyrical, Lucinda, about the Thunderbox!” Miliband demanded.)

Lucinda disappointed Miliband, however, when he asked her about her own lavatorial ownership.

“I never thought I’d ask you this question,” Miliband began, “but tell us about your toilet, Lucinda.”

“Not so hot, mine,” Lucinda replied. “I’ve got two Crapper systems, but it’s not such an interesting toilet,” she said wistfully. “Not as interesting as they could be.” After pausing to introduce a Justin Timberlake song, Miliband returned to talking Crappers with his callers, among them a gentleman named Jim, who owns three dual-flush lavatories and considers them “the bane of [his] life”.

Helpfully, Jim got very graphic about the lack of support the dual-flush offers his waste. “I don’t know how to put it, but when you go and have a big job in it, it’ll take three or four flushes to flush it away,” he explained.

“I can only apologise to people eating their lunch at this time,” Miliband replied.

The best flush of the day appeared to be claimed by Lorraine from Northumberland, who added to the wonderful conversation by proclaiming where she was ringing from.

“I’m in the toilet,” she said, before clarifying: “Well, not in the toilet.”

After Lorraine demonstrated the sound of her flush, Miliband was impressed. “I think that wins the flush of the day,” he excitedly remarked, before hanging up on her. “It’s Ed Miliband, sitting in for Jeremy Vine, and we’ve been talking about toilets.”