Birth month linked to illness – now that’s a horrorscope

Just when the ‘worried well’ were at grave risk of having nothing new to whinge to our overstretched GPS about comes news that our fate is written in our stars.

Spanish scientists who crossreferenced birth months with 27 chronic diseases in almost 30,000 patients found a host of correlations.

It seems men born in August carried twice the risk of asthma compared to spring babies, but those born in June were 34 per cent less likely to suffer depression and 22 per cent less likely to be diagnosed with lower back pain.

Meanwhile, women born in July were 27 per cent more likely to be diagnosed with high blood pressure, whereas the June cohort had a 33 per cent lower risk of migraine.

Being a February baby, I can look forward to osteoarthritis, thyroid problems and blood clots. It’s nonsense, of course – or would be had I not already received treatment for two out of the three.

Incidentally, jewellers should be obliged by law to mention these downsides when they try to flog you tasteless birthstone pendants; mine’s the amethyst, which is supposed to ward off drunkenness. Not sure about life-threatening blood clots.

The reason for the link between birthday and illness is believed to lie in seasonal changes to ultraviolet rays, vitamin D and the prevalence or absence of viruses, which can all affect foetal development. Or, if you’re an astrologist, Mercury rising in Uranus.

While we’re on the subject of logical fatalism, separate research from the Office for National Statistics has found that birth month affects career, which not only sounds entirely unscientific but creepy with it. October babies are drawn to politics while January infants tend to become debt collectors; those born in February are likely to be artists.

I am risibly bad at painting, but I can live with the bitter disappointment, as long as my husband also fails to fulfil his pre-ordained destiny. Born in November, he’s more likely than most to become a serial killer. Now that really would be a horrorscope.