Cameron was no help, but at least Mrs May could mimic Osborne

Supposedly Theresa May has been ringing David Cameron to ask for his help. He didn’t help with PMQS. All yesterday morning’s papers carried his remarks about public sector salaries. Those calling for an end to the pay cap, he’d said, were “selfish”.

Labour’s response at PMQS was inevitable. “Are they selfish? Are they selfish?” shouted Labour MPS, each time Mrs May was asked about nurses or teachers. But Mrs May stood firm.

She defended Tory policy. Britain had to live within its means. She recited the lines we used to hear from George Osborne. Yes, the chancellor she sacked in her first act as PM.

Jeremy Corbyn asked about the deal with the DUP. If there was no extra money for nurses or teachers, he sniffed, how come Mrs May found “£1billion to keep her own job”? Tory MPS rewarded her with their noisiest backing in months. Mr Corbyn asked what she had “to offer young people”. “JOBS!” bellowed the Tories as one.

After PMQS, Labour tabled an urgent question about public sector pay. Speaking for the Government was Liz Truss, the new Chief Secretary to the Treasury. I say “speaking”, but that’s not the right word for it. In person, Ms Truss talks normally. At the dispatch box, she opens her mouth as wide as it will go, and, at the top of her lungs, SLOW-LY O-VER-E-NUN-CIATES EV-RY SYLL-A-BLE LIKE A PRE-CO-CIOUS CHILD IN THE SCHOOL NA-TI-VI-TY.

Lord knows what she was like when she actually was in the school nativity.

“THE PAR-TY OPP-O-SITE ARE CAL-LING FOR MORE ROOM AT THE INN, MIS-TER SPEA-KER! THEY WANT THE LIT-TLE LORD JE-SUS TO HAVE A CRIB FOR A BED, MIS-TER SPEA-KER! WELL, MAY-BE WE COULD A-FFORD A CRIB FOR A BED, MIS-TER SPEA-KER, IF THE PAR-TY OPP-O-SITE HAD-N’T CRASHED THE E-CON-O-MY, MIS-TER SPEA-KER!”

John Mann (Lab, Bassetlaw) reminded Ms Truss she was a public sector worker herself, and asked how much her own pay had risen by since she entered the Commons in 2010. He might have added that in 2015, she – like he, and all MPS – received a rise of 10.3 per cent. “MY PAY HAS GONE UP AND DOWN,” retorted Ms Truss. Which is true. Last month, when Mrs May sacked her as Justice Secretary, Ms Truss’s pay was cut by £36,000.

And nurses think they’ve got it bad.