How to make sure a referee will give you an even break

Success tomorrow could hinge on getting along with Romain Poite, so England’s World Cup winning flanker offers her tips on keeping on the official’s good side

Aplayer’s relationship with the referee can make or break a Test match – or a series. Romain Poite is the man with the toughest job at Eden Park tomorrow in the decisive Test of the tour and how the Lions handle the Frenchman will go a long way towards sealing their success or failure. There are a few tricks that will put you in the referee’s good books and here is what the Lions need to do tomorrow: Make an early impression It is so important to develop a relationship with the referee, and that begins well before the match has even started.

Before the 2014 World Cup final, I made it my mission to go out of my way to say hello and have a little chat with the referee, Amy Perrett.

My main objective was to make a connection with her – and if I could make her laugh that was a bonus, although I would also use that as a chance to drop in a couple of little tips about the opposition she could watch out for during the game. Even if she did not really listen at least I was planting a seed.

My strategy was to build rapport and ensure she saw me as both trustworthy and a senior figure in the England team, one who she could communicate with and would not be dishonest on the field of play. It worked brilliantly and ensured that by the time we took the pitch we had an excellent understanding. I was able to use that to my advantage. A joke and a handshake go a long way For most players the first time you get a chance to speak to the referee is when they come in to check studs or have a chat with the front rows. This time is vital and everyone tries to get the officials onside with a little comment. Something as simple as a joke or asking how their journey to the ground went or whether they will have family in the crowd just gets the team off on a good foot and a positive start.

The handshake is vital, too. Every little thing you do is about finding a way in, locating a soft spot and building rapport that will help you in the heat of battle.

The two people who stood out for this were Richie Mccaw and George Gregan.

I would watch the coin toss in games they were involved in and they would be laughing and chatting with the referee, getting them onside. It was no coincidence that Mccaw could get away with murder, while Gregan was often a second referee in big matches! Respect is vital Calling the referee “Sir”, regardless of gender, has been part of rugby’s culture since the dawn of time. A lack of respect will only get you or your team in the referee’s bad books. Dissent is unacceptable, although I have seen this creeping into the game on occasion. But if you do have a player you know can fly off the handle or react badly – and Mako Vunipola was getting worryingly close to this point last Saturday – then the captain must calm them down, for the good of the team. The referee isn’t there to argue the toss with you. Pick your moments This is absolutely imperative. If you are constantly in the referee’s ear they will lose interest in what you are saying. Instead, you have to decide when to approach them, and when you do it has to be phrased in a manner than makes the referee feel empowered. Sam Warburton is a master at this.

There are times in the game when he will not approach the referee or will only say something as simple as: “Yes, I totally understand that call”.

Then, when he feels the need, he knows how to phrase a question so he gets just the right amount of information in return. “Can you tell me which player is an issue at the breakdown please, sir?” is something I’ve heard him say on this tour, as is the more openended: “What can we do to improve at the scrum?”

By asking the question he invites the referee to respond and the referee will see this as a willingness on the captain’s and team’s behalf to want to improve and play positively. Tactical questioning and picking your moment can defuse a situation and

In the dressing room, everyone tries to get the officials onside with a little comment

If you are constantly in the referee’s ear on the pitch, they lose interest in what you are saying

avoid a more serious punishment, such as a yellow card or a penalty try. It is really clever captaincy. Listen to what the referee is saying! Last Saturday, you could have been forgiven for wondering why the Lions were giving away so many penalties at the start of the second half. The reason for it was that they were not listening to what Jerome Garces was telling them. They were so caught up in the emotion caused by Sonny

Bill Williams’s sending off that they were ploughing on without stopping to think about the errors they were making.

Vunipola’s yellow card changed all that. That was a wake-up call for the Lions, and it was no coincidence their discipline immediately improved. They started communicating at the breakdown again and avoided conceding silly penalties. That is why they won the game.

The key is that every player must know when to take a step back. If you have been penalised twice in a row, say at the breakdown, you know to make yourself scarce – the downside of a yellow card outweighs the upside of one steal. Maro Itoje was penalised twice but he took a step back – something Vunipola failed to do. And leave a good final impression An obvious thing but you would be amazed how many players fail to be polite or thank the referee after a match. There are relatively few top-class referees and you are almost guaranteed to cross paths again. And referees are like elephants – they never forget. So, when you think about getting in their good books early you have to start at the end of the previous match.

The Lions will not care about that this weekend – but they have every chance of getting Poite onside early tomorrow. That could prove decisive as they go in search of history.