Jon Underwood
Founder of the worldwide ‘Death Café’ movement
JON UNDERWOOD, who has died suddenly from undiagnosed leukaemia aged 44, was a web designer and self-styled death entrepreneur who founded the “Death Café” social franchise, described as a “group-directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes”, from his basement in Hackney in September 2011.
As Underwood saw things, for too long western society had “outsourced” discussions about death to doctors, nurses, priests and undertakers. The result was that people had lost control of one of the most significant events they would ever have to face.
He was drawn to the topic through being a Buddhist and the idea behind the Death Café was to make discussions about death less daunting by presenting them in relaxed environments.
“In continental Europe, there’s a tradition of meeting in a public place to talk about important and interesting subjects,” Underwood explained in an interview. “So there’s a Café Philo, which is a philosophical café, and a Café Scientifique. And Bernard Crettaz, he’s a Swiss sociologist, set up a Café Mortel, or Death Café.”
Inspired by Crettaz’s book Cafés mortels: Sortir la mort du silence, he visited cafés in East London to ask whether they might be interested in hosting a Death Café, but there were no takers. So he arranged the first event in his house, run by his mother, Sue Barsky Reid, a psychotherapist.
“My father-in-law told me at the beginning that no one was going to want to sit around and talk about death,” he recalled. “But it turns out that’s not true.” The event was a great success, and as interest grew, Death Cafés began popping up in venues ranging from cafés and private houses to a cemetery and a yurt.
“When people sit down to talk about death, the pretence kind of falls away, and people talk very openly and authentically,” he explained. “And they say things in front of strangers which are really profound and beautiful. And for English people to do that, with our traditional stiff upper lip, is very rare.”
The idea, promoted as part of a project called Impermanence, spread outside the country in 2012 after Underwood set up a few guidelines for the cafés and launched a website (deathcafe.com).
The objective was not bereavement support or grief counselling, he explained, but “to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their finite lives”.
Rules were few. Cafés should be volunteer-run with no admission charge, they should be small enough to encourage easy conversation, they should not promote any ideology, and they should always include tea and cake.
Since then, more than 4,000 Death Cafés have been held in 51 countries, including nearly 950 in Britain.
Jonathan Underwood was born on October 28 1972 in Chester and educated at Queen’s Park High School in Chester, and at Corpus Christi College, Oxford, where he read PPE.
When he had the idea of starting a Death Café, he was working as a strategy and business development director for the London borough of Tower Hamlets, but resigned after his movement got going.
He also set up several other death-related projects, including Funeral Advisor, described on his website as a “Trip Advisor for the funeral industry”, and Find Me Help, a directory of services for dying people, their families, carers and friends.
Reflecting on his own mortality, Underwood admitted that he was afraid of dying: “But doing this work has given me confidence that whatever happens I will respond with openness and resilience. I know I will cope.”
He married, in 2006, Donna Molloy, who survives him with their son and daughter. His mother and sister Jools will continue promoting the movement he founded.