The golden rule of goodie bags? Never rummage
Oh William, William… There is such a thing as Goodie Bag Etiquette. I’m guessing our future king doesn’t know this, what with all the enthusiastic and very public rummaging that went on in the Royal Box during the Wimbledon men’s final at the weekend. Eagle-eyed royalithologists spotted the Duke of Cambridge rifling through the green leather wash bag-style gift embossed with the Wimbledon logo and the words “Royal Box 2017” – handed out to VIP guests on the day. And I could swear I caught Kate leaning covetously in to whisper: “I’m baggsing the gold-plated toenail clippers – you’re always nicking mine.”
Now I’m familiar with the pitfalls of Goodie Bag-phoria,
which is why I long ago drew up three cardinal rules to keep myself in check. The first is to treat any offerings with surprise and faint embarrassment until safely in the car, when you can cravenly rip through that bag with your teeth, slather luxury unguents over every inch of exposed flesh and throw anything edible down your gullet. Rule number two: always instantly disregard key rings and reading matter – nobody needs another key ring in their life and the books are inevitably bilge. And lastly (Wills, do please take note): make sure you check for telltale insignia before tossing the unwanted stuff into the re-gifting pile. I once gave my best friend some chocolates on her birthday only to have her point out the ‘Happy Easter 2015’ card inside the box. This wouldn’t have been as embarrassing as it was if it hadn’t happened in March this year. So if the Queen unwraps the silk sleep mask her grandson thoughtfully gave her on Christmas day to find “Wimbledon 2017” embroidered across the strap, things could get awkward.