Midlife guide to... … drinking vinegar

Barman, can I have a glass of boiled water with a slice of lemon, please?

No, you can’t. This is what thou shalt drink now. [Serves a shot glass of strong-smelling, urinecoloured liquid]

But that’s a glass of vinegar!

It’s actually a zingy health tonic made by Victorians, who steeped sugar and fruits (rhubarb, raspberry and red apples were popular) in the glorified acid water we now dash on chips. So obviously hipsters now claim to have been drinking so-called shrubs for, like, years. Go on, down it…

Should I lick some salt and squeeze lime juice into my eye first?

Better still, serve it long with a dash of soda water, or mixed into cocktails. Either way, it will help your body absorb nutrients in food, and aid digestion.

And where can I get these magical health potions? Shoreditch? That’s where you all hang out, right?

Well, you can buy apple cider vinegar at Waitrose – that’s where you hang out, right? Then again, Rawduck in east London now has vinegar-tasting classes… so we’ll call it a draw.