Laura, whatever did you do to deserve this misery? Oh, you got elected
Yesterday in the Commons, Laura Pidcock, the Labour MP, did something brave, selfless and noble. She turned up. What an extraordinary act of self-sacrifice. Just think how must it have pained her, this sensitive, thoughtful young woman, who has spoken so movingly of her “visceral” hatred of Tories, or, as she prefers to call them, “the enemy”.
Two weeks ago, she told an interviewer that she had “absolutely no intention of being friends with any of them”.
Yesterday morning, before PMQS, she went on BBC Radio 5 Live to reiterate her revulsion, vow never to “fraternise” with a Tory, and express bemusement at the criticism her comments have attracted. “I think,” she sniffed, “that I’m being the professional one.” And yet, mere hours later, there Ms Pidcock was, courageously taking her seat in the Commons: a room packed with more than 300 Tories – all sitting opposite her. Which meant that the poor woman had no choice but to look at them. Yes, look at them – with their disgusting Tory faces, their revolting Tory warts and their monstrous Tory claws. Cackling evilly, puffing on cigars made from rolled-up £50 notes, and picking clean their fangs with the bones of kittens. Somehow, Ms Pidcock managed to sit in the presence of these fiends for over half an hour.
What spirit. What fortitude. If she threw up at all, she did so very discreetly. How cruel, though, of the voters of North West Durham, to have consigned Ms Pidcock to this wretched fate. Forcing her to spend the next five years in a building full of Tories. Hearing their Tory voices, smelling their Tory smell, catching their Tory germs. Whatever did she do to deserve it?
At the next election, let’s hope her constituents will be more considerate and relieve her of this miserable burden.
Exchanges between Jeremy Corbyn and Theresa May were unremarkable, but the Prime Minister did not seem entirely on the ball. You could tell from the way she responded to a question about zero-hours contracts by shouting about Labour policy on nuclear weapons.
Phil Wilson (Lab, Sedgefield) had a good line. Last year, he recalled, Mrs May had said that existing legal rights for workers would be guaranteed “as long as I am Prime Minister”. How long, he asked innocently, would that be? Sadly, Mrs May declined to say.
Still, he had at least amused Ms Pidcock. It was a relief to see that, in the midst of her suffering, she could still manage a smile.
At the end, I watched Ms Pidcock leaving the chamber. Scores of Tories were leaving at the same time, through the same door. Heroically, however, she kept her head held high, stared straight ahead and didn’t exchange a single word with any of them. I hope next time she remembers to bring a face mask. You can’t be too careful.