Phil and Boz: Feuding foes? No, bosom buddies to the last
It was nonsense. The lot of it. All those articles, alleging that Boris Johnson and Philip Hammond didn’t see eye to eye over Brexit. Those suggestions of bitter conflict over EU payments and transition periods. Those rumours that each was so incensed by the other’s demands, that one or even both might resign.
Sheer bunkum. The Foreign Secretary and the Chancellor are the best of pals. Bosom buddies. Devoted chums. Why, just look at the footage of them, outside No 10 yesterday.
They and the rest of the Cabinet had just finalised the Brexit speech that Theresa May will give today in Florence. After The Daily Telegraph’s bombshell scoop last weekend, you might have imagined that they would stalk out separately, fuming, muttering and swinging a kick at the Downing Street cat. Not a bit of it. Instead, the door to No 10 wafted open, and, right in front of the cameras, out strolled dear old Boz and good old Phil, side by side, beaming sunnily and chatting away as if they hadn’t a care in the world. The two ambled off together, smiling, nodding, laughing, and just generally enjoying the pleasure of each other’s company.
I hadn’t seen two politicians so blissfully at ease since Tony Blair bought Gordon Brown an ice cream in front of a TV crew in 2005.
Sadly no one could make out what they were saying. I expect they were just swapping banter, the way lads do.
“Tell you what I like, Boz old chum: association football. Did you see the association football last night?”
“I’m sorry to confess that I was unable to catch the association football, Phil old pal, but I’m led to believe that at a key juncture the ball was struck with some considerable force into the goal area, to the satisfaction of the attacking XI.”
It was a heart-warming sight. Any minor disagreements the pair may have had were behind them. From now on, cloudless unity, all the way. Afterwards, I’m disappointed to report, an unhelpful rumour was put about, suggesting that this innocent display of friendship was not all it seemed. A producer from Sky claimed that, once they were safely out of sight, Mr Hammond abandoned Mr Johnson, and slipped back into Downing Street via a side entrance – as if there had in fact been no reason for him to leave in the first place, other than to be pictured looking pally with his foe.
I, for one, am much too patriotic to believe it.