Corbyn beams at Brighton love-in

Two whole minutes. That was the length of time between Jeremy Corbyn’s arrival on stage, and the start of his speech. He couldn’t have started it any sooner – because it wouldn’t have been heard.

“Ohhhh, Je-re-my Corrr-bynnn!” chanted his adoring congregation. Throughout this Labour conference, they’ve chanted it every time he entered the hall, and even, sometimes, when he didn’t.

However, yesterday, like a football crowd, ardent fans held aloft Corbyn scarves (£15 from the merchandise stall). The hall steamed and sweltered. At long last, the object of their adulation raised his palms and, with a humble smile, invited his admirers to resume their seats. They obeyed.

“Thank you for this incredible feeling! It’s quite infectious!” Mr Corbyn beamed. “Let’s make sure the whole country’s infected!”

Ecstatically the hall applauded – as did the shadow cabinet, who were seated in the front row of the hall rather than on the stage itself. It would have been interesting to see how the faithful would have reacted if, at any point in their leader’s speech, the shadow cabinet hadn’t joined in the thunderous clapping, or the countless ovations. Happily, that eventuality never arose.

Instead, the congregation’s ire was directed elsewhere – towards, as Mr Corbyn put it with a vinegary leer, “our media friends”. As one, the congregation turned to glare at the seating reserved for journalists. After scoffing at the failure of “our friends” to put voters off him, Mr Corbyn blamed the media for “fuelling” the “intolerable misogynistic and racist abuse” suffered by his shadow home secretary, Diane Abbott.

“We are not having it,” he shouted. The hall erupted in furious agreement.

The applause was so loud I was unable to hear his condemnation of Labour anti-semitism, or the threats by his fans that have forced the BBC’S Laura Kuenssberg to hire a bodyguard. I’m sure he mentioned them.

At 75 minutes, it was a speech of punishing length, but the faithful’s enthusiasm never flagged. The Left, he announced at the end, to squeals of glee, was now “the mainstream”.

He said it confidently enough. But can he have meant it?

If Labour won an election, they’d be in charge of Brexit and would have to come up with a policy on it. And failure to meet voter expectations would be punished for years to come.

I wonder if Mr Corbyn reflects that, right now, winning an election would be like competing to catch a grenade?