Tips to survive the back-to-school blues
Many young children hate going to class, says Maria Lally, but parents can help them to adjust
Oh Prince William, I feel for you, I really do. Just like you, my four-year-old skipped off happily on her first day of school a few weeks ago, eagerly posing for photographs in her shiny shoes. Phew, I thought. That was easy. But three weeks in and the novelty has well and truly worn off.
So it came as some relief to know we’re not the only ones.
On a visit to Milton Keynes this week, the Prince told mother-of-two Louise Smith that George was fed up with going to school.
You will remember, of course, the rather sweet pictures – beamed round the world – of an apprehensive looking little boy, clutching his father’s hand as they walked into Thomas’s Battersea, earlier this month. The Duchess of Cambridge, lying low with severe morning sickness, was unable to accompany her son on his first day of school. But George had, we were told, settled in well and Prince William joked that he was pleased he “wasn’t the one” parent having to deal with a reluctant child at the school gates.
Three weeks later? The blues have set in. As Louise Smith told reporters: “He told me he’d just dropped Prince George off at school and he didn’t want to go. Sounds a bit like mine, really.”
And like mine. The honeymoon period is over for my daughter Rosie, whose enthusiasm for school has become as scuffed as those new shoes.
It started on day four, when tiredness (and reality) kicked in. I had stopped making a fuss of her new uniform and reverted to my default routine of shouting at everybody to get ready.
“Where are we going today, Mummy?” she asks hopefully every morning. When I reply school, she looks aghast and says: “What, again?”
My friend Laura has a son in Rosie’s class. After his first week, he asked her if this was his last year of school. “I don’t have the heart to tell him he has 14 to go,” she said.
Another pal, with an older child, told me that he had to be peeled from her leg, sobbing, every morning for his entire first year. Thankfully Rosie isn’t that bad, but she has started dragging her feet, asking if she can stay home
‘Starting school is harder for firstborns and summer babies’
with me, and we’ve had a few tears at drop-off. Simply, she has become a school refusenik – and it sounds as though Prince George is feeling the same way. “Starting school is harder for firstborns and summer babies,” says Dr Rebecca Chicot, child development expert and author of The Calm and Happy Toddler. “Prince George only turned four in July.”
She thinks that starting school might be smoother for Princess Charlotte and their unborn youngest sibling. “My youngest found it easier, as the school run had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember,” she says. “However, all children become very tired in their first term, which doesn’t help. Thankfully, the evenings are getting darker, so take advantage and put them to bed earlier.
“Don’t allow screens for two hours before bed, give them a bath and choose bedtime stories that wind them down – ideally stories that end with the main character going to bed.
“Secondly, don’t be tempted to over-schedule in the first term. Limit play dates and clubs, and allow them to decompress after school. It’s important they learn about boredom – it helps their imagination and teaches them what to do when nothing is happening, so don’t be afraid of downtime.” Dr Chicot also recommends checking your own “third-week blues”.
“There’s a lot to ‘get right’ when your child starts school. Add to that the fact children in the UK start school earlier than several other countries, and have earlier expectations of numeracy, literacy, and homework.
“Children absorb our stress, so it’s important to let worries about academic ability wash over you. My daughter was slow to read in reception but is now excellent. You know your child better than anybody, and if you feel a trip to the park or an early night is more important than homework, have the confidence to explain that to their teacher. Children learn best at their own rate and when they’re happy.”
We may only be three weeks into school for Rosie, but I have already adopted this approach – becoming almost rebelliously relaxed about homework. I just didn’t want to add to the pressure Rosie was starting to feel.
Another trick Dr Chicot suggests is to adopt a “growth mindset”.
“When a toddler keeps trying to walk, falls down and gets back up again, we praise them for trying. Do the same with your four-year-old – if they cry at drop off, or say they find school too hard, keep praising their perseverance, rather than telling them they have to go and that’s that.”
Lastly, she says that parents must accept the highs and lows of school life. “We can’t take away all the pressures our children will face, but we can take a deep breath with them and support them through it.”
So take heart, Prince William, we’ll get there – let’s just hope you don’t have to prise George from your leg any time soon.